Sounds Like SciFi
by Kara D
Summary: What happens when you put Buffy, the crew of Serenity, and the operators of the Tardis on a space ship? Whackiness of course! Spike and the Doctor had struck a deal and Buffy decided to tag along. The Slayer pushes a button and gets them stuck on Serenity
1. Meet the Doctor

"Sounds Like SciFi" By Captain Jack Harkness & Captain Peroxide Chapter 1: the Big, the Bad, and the Blue 

"What are you doing here, Schlayer?" Spike drunkenly asked. It wasn't difficult to tell that he was very snockered.

"I need to talk to you, Spike."

"Right, the bit already stopped by. Listen, the next time you tell me to move on and decide to get jealous…" Spike's voice was harsh and unnerving, but trailed off when a phone booth shaped box began to appear.

Both blondes stared in awe as the blue glow subsided and a dark blue police box materialized.

The bottom of the crypt was utterly silent. Neither of the lovers was taking their eyes off of the thing in front of them.

The doors opened and a tall, black clad man, clearly Spike's elder by several years, stepped out, followed by a young blonde and a dark haired male.

Spike growled, "Showed up in the bloody nick of time, you did!"

The older man pursed his lips and sighed. "I'm sorry, I ran into traffic.

"_Traffic?_" Spike repeated, cocking his scarred eyebrow.

The blonde butted in, "It's true," she smacked her lips, "it, uh, was traffic."

As far as Buffy could tell, the entire lot of them were English. Their cockney accents were rolling out, making the Slayer feel very uncomfortable

"Who the hell is this?" she asked.

Spike laughed a little then cleared his throat. Pointing to the girl, "Buffy, this bird is Rose, Captain Jack Harkness, and the _Doctor_."

Taken by surprise, "What?" 

He nodded, "Nice to meet you, Buffy," the Doctor held out his hand.

Taking it in a firm shake, Buffy stared at him, "The Doctor," she couldn't believe it.

Spike pushed between the two and began ranting, "Listen, mate, I'm minding my own business, when suddenly as if out of nowhere, a ghost comes prancing back into m'life expectin' me to do some bloody smuggling job that gets me almost killed and destroys my crypt in the sodding process." The vampire growled and then whipped around to face Buffy, "And _you_ should go."

The head strong Slayer stood her ground. Jack laughed, "I like her, Spike."

Buffy turned to face him. "_You're and American_? Yay for me." She then took a step forward, "I take it you all know Spike?"

Jack and Spike exchanged a brief glance and then the Captain answered, "Yes, we bumped into each other a long time ago." There was a minute of mightily awkward silence.

The Doctor clicked his tongue and started to look around. "I take it the eggs won't be coming along?"

Spike glared, "No. The Slayer and her living G.I. Joe came in and then bloody _bollocks_ up the whole arrangement."

All eyes turned to Buffy.

"_What_?" she asked indignantly.

"A Slayer? Really?" The Doctor started to move around her, observing her. "I haven't seen a Slayer in forever."

"_You_ know about _Slayers_?" Buffy questioned.

"Yeah, the Doctor and I met one back in the 1600's," Rose piped in.

This confused Buffy, "_The 1600's_? That's impossible."

Jack cleared his throat, "Actually, it really isn't." he put his hand on the side of the Tardis and winked.

"But that's just a phone booth," Buffy said disbelievingly.

Spike grinned, "No, _luv_, it just _looks_ like one."

The four individuals in the room were silent.

"It's called the Tardis," the Doctor stated. Buffy was still lost.

"The what-is?" she asked.

"_Tard_" the Doctor corrected, Buffy just grinned.

"Okay, what's it do?" she asked.

Jack opened the door, "Come on, Spike."

He started to take a step forward, but Buffy grabbed his arm. "What do you think you're doing?" she asked.

Spike looked at her blankly, "I have some business to take care of." He tugged at her hold on him, "You won't be missing me any, Slayer."

Buffy furrowed her brow, "Fine, let me go with you."

Yet another moment of pure, unadulterated silence ensued.

"I don't know if you should," the Doctor said.

Spike put his arm loosely around the Doctor's shoulders and sighed, "Sorry, Doc. She's already put her mind to it."

"Jayne, Vera, come help me get this stuff put away!" Mal shouted from the cargo bay.

"Coming, Mal," Jayne replied sullenly as he entered from the dining area. His latest pastime had become depleting their stock of alcohol considerably.

Vera was coming up from the infirmary where she had been talking to Zoë. They had grown so much closer ever since Vera had stopped sleeping with Jayne.

"Hello, Jayne," she said nonchalantly, and then strode past him down the ramp into the sun light to retrieve their latest cargo.

After hauling it all in, Mal left to get them off the rock known as Persephone, and into the deep blue sky. Jayne and Vera tried to ignore each other as much as they could, but Jayne finally broke the silence.

"So… how's life?" he asked, trying to make small talk, "I mean, now that you've ruined mine, who's next on your hit list?"

"That's real funny," Vera replied coldly, keeping her eyes on the crates before her and away from Jayne, "Especially coming from a guy who can't make up his mind as to if he wants a serious relationship, or just a one-night-shag." She glared at him.

"Well _excuse me_ for being a man," Jayne kicked a box into the 'smugglers' keep'.

"And _excuse me_ for being a violent, cruel hearted, gun loving bitch," she said harshly, although she did more damage to her own emotions than to Jayne's.

"All you ever think about is sex and guns," Jayne slammed the panel back onto the hole in the wall.

"All _you_ ever think about is _Vera _and shagging blondes," she shot back, "then taking their knickers for the hell of it!"

"Why do you even wear underwear?" Jayne shouted, "It's not like you can ever manage to keep them on for more than five minutes at a time!"

"I thought you loved me!"

"I thought I loved you too!"

"Well, I never really felt it anyways!"

"Well… well… _gorram_it… I'll make you feel it!" Jayne retaliated.

"I could never love you, Jayne! And I could never trust you either!" she continued.

"Trust is for old people with no burning desires, no passion, and nothing left to make life worth while… it's not for people like us! Our love should be wild and passionate and dangerous, it needs to burn like an exploding engine drenched in rocket fuel."

"Love like that doesn't ever last, Jayne!" she shouted at him, "It may burn all nice and hot and happy for a little while, but then it burns up everything there ever was, until there's nothing bleeding left!"

"No it doesn't!"

"Yes it sodding does! Jayne, we'll never be more than what we were then. Two people on a ship that shagged occasionally!"

"That's better than _gorram_ nothing!" Jayne yelled back at her, "I know you felt _something_!"

"Yes, Jayne, I felt _something_, I felt disgusted, I felt regret, and most of all, I felt disappointed." She grated a nerve that made the muscle in Jayne's jaw twitch with anticipation.

"I can make it better," Jayne told her, suddenly lowering his voice, "I _will_ make you feel it, and you're going to like it, whether you want to or not." He approached Vera like a panther stalking it's prey, he expected her to lash out at him at any time, but she simply stood there, daring him to come closer and take what he wanted.

He took her in his arms, held the back of her neck so she couldn't turn away and began kissing her from her hot, luscious lips, down her neck, and then began unlacing her tight, black leather vest. Once he had that off, he took full liberty of her bare chest. She, now caught up in her ecstasy, was ready to feel it.

She gasped at the initial penetration, Jayne laughed a bit, and then lost himself to his animal desires…

Buffy stepped into the Tardis and looked around. "Wow, it's roomy in here."

Jack shrugged, staring indiscreetly at Spike's behind, "Well, we just remodeled." The bleach blonde vamp turned around and raised his eyebrows. Jack returned the gesture with a wink and a broad, sparkling smile.

"Once upon a time, Captain." Spike sat back against the railing to their right and lit up a cigarette.

"Spike," Buffy said warningly.

Rolling his eyes, a thing that seemed to come to him naturally when he heard the sound of the Slayer's voice, then threw the fag onto the ground and stepped on it with the toe of his boot. "Right, how long until we get there?"

"Where?" Buffy asked. There was no direct answer.

The Doctor looked her way, "Time travel."

Her eyes widened and her pulse began to race, she managed to splutter a few vowel sounds.

The Doctor continued to type on the console. Trying to see what was going on, Buffy leaned forward.

The blue tubes in the center of the console started to move up and down again and again. Jack moved in right behind Buffy, making her stumble forward. She hit several keys right as the Doctor began to press the 'set' key.

By then, Buffy had hit the bottom of the console with her head. A screw rattled out of its place and rolled across the floor, falling into one of the many holes, landing somewhere inside with a 'clink'. No one on board noticed it, as they were all worried about the blonde girl that had just fallen and seemed to have been knocked unconscious.

Spike was the first to reach her side. "Buffy!" he grabbed her under her arms and pulled her onto his lap. "Come on, wake up." Spike moved the hair out of her face and cupped her cheek with his cold, pale hand.

Buffy finally started to stir. Her eyes fluttered open, letting her surroundings flood her senses. "What…"

Spike's thumb went across her lips as he tried to soothe her, "Shh, _pet_, you hit your head."

Buffy looked around and remembered what was going on.

"Let me up, Spike." Buffy thought that he wouldn't let her go, but instead he simply removed his hands and nodded once.

"Alright, _pet_."

Buffy tried to stand, but fell back onto his lap, grabbing around his neck, which brought his lips mere inches from hers. Everyone looked super concerned with her condition. "Are you sure you're alright, _luv_?" Spike asked.

"Yeah, my head's just… argh!" Buffy clutched the place where her head had slammed against the cold floor, "Just… give me a second."

"Oh Jayne," Vera whimpered, ready to feel it for real for the first time. _Any time now, he's going to change it up, _she thought expectantly, _He said he'd make it better… any moment now…_

"Vera, you're so… mmm!" Jayne groaned.

"Jayne," Vera moaned, losing enthusiasm, her facial expression going from ecstatic to a blank stare very quickly.

"Oh… Ver-ra," he purred.

"Jayne," she said in a bored tone, her face devoid of any pleasure, _Well this is… the same,_ she thought with contempt.

A faint blue glow began emanating from the center of the cargo bay. It then slowly solidified into a definite box-shape.

"Um, Jayne…" Vera said curiously,_ What the hell is that?_ She wondered. "_Jayne?_ … Jayne!"

"Hmm… What?" He asked, his chest was heaving and he was drenched in sweat.

"Turn around," she replied, pointing to the large dark blue Police Box that had just materialized out of no where.

"What the…"

"Mal!" Vera buttoned up her pants and began lacing up her vest as she raced up the steps to the bridge.

Buffy was still clinging to him for dear life, and he didn't mind it at all. If she wanted to stay like that forever, he'd have been more the willing to let her. Spike just sat there and gazed into her stunning eyes, which seemed to be fixed on his own.

Several minutes went by and then there was a soft clang that came suddenly from outside of the Tardis.

"Come out, come out, where ever you are!" River stalked around the Police Box, tapping on the walls every few feet, then she would press her ear to the wooden exterior to listen for any sign of life.

Jayne stood and listened intently to the voices coming from inside the box. There were at least two guys, and two girls, but he couldn't distinguish any definite words.

Zoë silently crept around the walkway above the cargo bay, her pistol trained on the door of the Police Box. She was on the edge and in the game.

"I think I'm okay," Buffy said.

Spike snapped out of fantasy land and back to reality: the not so nice world.

"So, where are we?" Spike asked, as he landed abruptly back in the real world of vampires, sexy schlayers, and time machines.

"I'm not sure," the Doctor replied, was typing rapidly on the key board, then took out a mallet and pounded the console a few times, "I'm trying to get a read on where we are, or at least _when_ we are, but I can't find anything. The Tardis is just… dead." He resumed his button pushing and lever pulling.

"Well, maybe _someone_ should go check it out," Captain Jack insisted, glowering at Buffy, who had the privilege of lying in Spike's lap, gazing into his eyes like that, their lips mere inches away. "I vote _the Slayer_, she's big and bad."

"Hold the phone, I'm the Big Bad here," Spike said defensively, "But_, Buffy_ should have a _stake_, and we don't know if there are going to be any ravenous _vampires_ waiting to suck us dry, so…"

"Well if you're such a _big bad_ why don't you go out there and see where the hell we are for yourself!" Buffy said harshly, sitting up away from Spike to glare at him.

Spike snarled and leapt up, "I don't think you're striking the proper tone here, _luv_, best not to get the Big Bad _angry_, he might do something _rash_."

"Like what, lick me to death?" Buffy scoffed, "Honestly, Spike, if you're really so _big and bad_, just get your bad self out there and see where the hell we are!" She shouted then opened the door and stepped back to allow the fuming vamp out, but instead he just stood there leering at her.

"I don't know, _luv, _this licking you to death idea is starting to sound appealing." He lightly licking his teeth daringly, which was all too suggestive of his intent. She sighed in disgust then grabbed him by the sleeve of his duster and shoved him out the door.

"Easy, _pet_, you'll bruise the leather!" he called back to her.

She shrugged, and closed the door.

"A box you say? A big, blue box, just poof, into the cargo bay?" Mal asked skeptically, "What were you and Jayne doing that caused a big blue box to just poof into the cargo bay?"

"Nothing… out of the usual…" Vera shrugged, "_But that's not the point_, the box poofed in, then there were voices from _inside_ the box."

"Well, lets go see what we've got on our hands," Mal shuddered at the thought of what could possibly be inside the poofing box.

River spun around when she heard the door open, only to be faced by a terrifying looking man with bleached blonde hair and big teeth. She shrieked when he made a lunge at her.

Zoë's shot rang out, and then the blonde crumpled to the floor. The door of the box slammed open then shut again and this time a blonde girl ran to the side of the fallen man, now that his features had smoothed, he looked quite handsome, in that sweet but devilish sort of way.

"Spike!" the blonde cried as she ran her fingers across the sunken cheeks of her fallen companion.

Zoë cleared her throat and cocked her gun again, this time taking aim at the young girl's chest. The blonde let out a shriek and raced back to the box, only to be confronted by the solidly built door frame. The thud from her connection with the box echoed sickeningly throughout the ship, alerting the rest of the crew. And Jayne just stood there, staring at the blonde girl. She reminded him of _someone_…

"What in the _gorram_…" Mal stuttered when he came upon the scene that had been laid out before him. There was a bleach blonde man in a heap on the floor with River crouching beside him with a hand gingerly resting on his chest. A younger blonde girl sprawled across the floor by the door of the box. There was the box itself, big, bold, and blue, and very out of place, like Jayne naked in a tea shop, with the words 'Police Box' printed on it. And then there was Jayne, caught with his pants down.

"I heard gun fire, figured some one was hurt," Simon explained as he and Kaylee ran into the cargo bay. Kaylee's hair was very disheveled, and she had a very 'out of it' look to her.

"Who's that?" Kaylee asked in a hushed voice, pointing to the handsome blonde in the black leather duster, "and why ain't he movin?"

"I was just wondering that myself… Jayne, mind shedding some light on the subject?" Mal looked expectantly to the man who still had no pants.

"It's my fault, sir," Zoë said as she jogged down the stairs to join the rest of the crew, "he came out and lunged at River, sorry sir, heat of the moment."

"Well, let's see what the damage is," Simon said, trying to lighten the mood. He first approached the fallen man.

River remained crouched beside the blonde, one hand softly resting on his firmly muscled abs, her eyes intent on his chest where Zoë's bullet had penetrated, but there wasn't much physical evidence of the bullet wound itself, just a little blood and a slight nick in his muscular chest.

"There's no way that wound healed up like that, or at all… especially if he's as dead as he feels," Simon tried to assess the situation, but nothing added up. With the temperature and the flexibility of the body before him, the guy was a well preserved corpse before Zoë ever shot him, which was impossible. "Could someone give me a hand with these two?" Simon asked after he had gone over and checked the girl's pulse and temperature, all she had done was knock herself out.

Jayne stepped forward after pulling up his pants and picked up the young lady as though he were some kind of heroic prince from the old Earth fairy tales. Simon and Mal took the blonde guy by his underarms and his ankles and were soon followed by Kaylee, who was making moon eyes at the handsome deceased.

"Aw, Simon, do you _really_ have to?" Kaylee asked sympathetically as she held the cheek of the brilliantly bleached blonde, "He's so… _purdy_… you just _can't_ cut into that!"

"Kaylee, I have to. There's no way that he's _that_ dead already. I mean there is no sign of rigor, he's ice cold, the bullet wound has completely disappeared, and… there's just something not right about him."

"Jealous," Kaylee muttered under her breath as she stroked the prominent cheek bones of the fallen angel that had only just appeared, _I bet he was even more beautiful when he was alive_, Kaylee thought to herself.

"Don't worry, he won't feel a thing, I promise," Simon looked up at Kaylee with an encouraging attempt at a smile.

He handled his scalpel with ease, cutting just below the collar bone, but by the time he had barely cut more than five inches, the incision had already begun healing up right before his eyes. After three attempts he decided to use his gloved fingers to hold the cut open so that he could see where the bullet had landed.

Simon reached to the pan of surgical instruments to retrieve his tweezers so as to prize the bullet from between two ribs. As he was turned around, the ice blue eyes of the mortally wounded man snapped open, causing Kaylee to shriek and jump back. The blonde looked down at his gaping chest and growled, nobody cut on him without his express permission, _nobody_.

He grabbed the arm of the doctor and whipped him around into a cabinet full of small glass bottles–-which fell to the floor with a crash--right next to the stunned and stock still brunette. His face morphed into something that looked to be straight out of a horror story. He roared and jumped to his feet. Then he saw Buffy on the counter top beside where he had just flung the unfortunate doctor. His face immediately smoothed when he saw her eyes flutter as if she were dreaming, there was a hint of a smile on her face…

"So, what you're saying is…" Mal still couldn't grasp the concept that was being told to him by the attractive blonde who spoke with an extreme cockney accent, just like Badger's.

"It's a time machine," she replied peppily.

"And you need to know…" Mal stopped, unsure of exactly what they were getting at.

"Where we are, and more importantly, _when_ we are," Rose explained slowly in 'captain-dummy-talk'.

"I'm still not sure if I understand what you're getting' at," Mal chuckled, "You people are worse off than River there." He gestured to the dark haired girl running her hands along the side of the Tardis, "Time travelin' and all."

The younger man came up from behind her, "What year is it?"

"Who are you?" Mal asked.

"_Captain_ Jack Harkness. And you are?" he put out his leather clad hand.

Mal took offense to the introduction and ignored the gloved hand, "Hey now, I'm the only _gorram_ captain on this ship."

Jack withdrew his hand and smiled, then continued with a wink, "Fine, sorry, its just Jack Harkness then."

There was a shriek followed by a large crash then there was nothing.

Mal turned his head slightly and yelled into the distance, "One of you is gonna _die_ and I'm _not_ cleaning it up!"

Buffy was still unconscious, her eyes closed, but she seemed to be dreaming. Spike touched her shoulder and was relieved to see that she was still breathing.

Dangerous eyes turned to Simon, whom was sitting on the floor against the cabinets, "What did you do to her?!"

Simon held his hands up defensively, "N-nothing, she h-hit her head and knocked herself out."

"Where am I?" He asked, a slight growl in his voice, which seemed to roll out as smooth as silk.

"The infirmary," Simon answered.

"I bloody well know that, I mean _where_ are we?"

"F-firefly class mid-bulk transport ship, _Serenity_," Kaylee stuttered.

"We're on a _boat_?"

Nodding, Simon stood up with the help of Kaylee.

"Right, the Doctor is going to get a bleeding earful." Spike grumbled. He returned his attention to Buffy. Spike held his hand to her cheek and brushed the hair that had fallen across her mouth away with the other. "You're a doctor, right?" Spike asked, looking over to Simon.

Simon was hesitant. "Yes," he answered, "But didn't you just say that you already have a doctor?"

Spike smirked, "He has his own quaint category. Medical Physician isn't on the list. Anyway, can you wake her up?"

Simon sighed, "I think so." He took a step closer and moved to place his fingers upon either side of Buffy's throat. Spike grabbed his wrist savagely. "Easy, I'm just checking her pulse." Simon told him.

Spike let him go. "Alright." The vampire kept a steady eye on the dainty dandy.

"Where's the other one of you?" Mal questioned.

Jack cocked his jaw and threw his thumb behind him.

"We're trying to figure out how to get the Tardis up and running again," he replied, admiring the self-confident air the captain had about him.

Mal stood on his toes and looked over the two, "_All_ of you fit in there?" he asked unconvinced.

"It's bigger than it looks." Jack said with a half smile, Captain Reynolds definitely had his own unique style.

Malcolm moved past them and peered inside."Knock, knock?" he called. The 'captain' Jack fellow was right, it was bigger than it looked.

The Doctor popped his head up from behind the console. "Oh!" He stood, brushing off the dirt he had on his hands, "Hello."

The dimly lit machine gave Mal an anxious feeling. "You fix this poofin' box yet?"

The Doctor just took a deep breath and held it. He never answered, just walked past the Captain and out into the cargo hold. "Jack. Rose. We have a teensy problem. Where'd Spike and his Slayerette get to? They won't want to hear this."


	2. The Poofters

Disclaimer: Alyxx and i worked our arses off writing this bugaboo! It gets better and better!! Also Joss owns these guys...and Russell, too...oh, no, not...oh god...he owns the characters of...I should stop talking...

Chapter 2: The Poofters

"Well…" Spike was just a bit edgy in the cold white infirmary, "how much longer?"

"I don't know," Simon replied agitatedly as he injected Buffy with some form of high-tech syringe that was totally foreign to Spike, "it's hard to tell with people. If I knew a little more about her I might be able to tell you more, but I don't have a med history, no charts, nothing to tell me how she'll react to something, allergies, nothing; so I'm doing the best I can do."

"Simon," Kaylee put a hand on his shoulder to reassure him, "Calm down. You're really jumpy right now."

"It's alright, I get it," Spike said with half a smile, "not used to having dead people just jumping at you while you're cutting them open?"

"Actually, I've had it happen before," Simon told him, remembering Mal and Zoë's army buddy, Tracy, who had jumped at him similarly, just without the crazy morphing face, "But just the once, and he wasn't really _dead_."

Kaylee remembered him too, all too vividly for her own liking. A shiver crept down her spine.

"Sorry about the scare, _luv_," Spike turned and apologized to Kaylee, "I was conscious most of the time, so thanks for trying to keep your boyfriend off of me."

"Oh," she was taken aback at being thanked and apologized to all at once, but shrugged it off none-the-less, "Anytime."

"Um, we're not to-…" Simon started to say 'together' then stopped when he got an icy glare from Kaylee.

"Oh, right, I just assumed," Spike explained then reached into his duster pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a small silver lighter. "You don't mind if I light up in here, do you?"

"As long as you do it outside and away from me," Simon replied, once again checking Buffy's pulse.

"I'll keep you company," Kaylee put in cheerily as she followed the tall mysterious character out of the infirmary and into the sitting area just outside, where he sat down and began smoking all to hell and back again.

"It's alright," he assured her between drags, "I'm used to being alone. In the dark. Lying awake at night thinking about _her_." He gave a noncommittal jerk of his hand in the direction of the infirmary.

"Oh… insomnia, huh," Kaylee said confidently, he wasn't the only one with sleeping issues.

"No, I sleep during the day," he explained with a smile, _some humans just don't grasp the concept, _he thought with a laugh.

"Oh, right, 'cause, you're a vampire," Kaylee finished for him, "Sorry, not really thinking straight right now."

"S'alright," Spike said, grinding the last bit of the fag into the toe of his beat up boot and tucking the butt into his pack of cigarettes, then took out another, but didn't light it, just set it between his lips as it was. "I understand, crazy scientist comes crashing into your home without warning, talking about time travel, etcetera, and bollocks to your plans for the day, when all you want to do is sit and watch the telly…God, what has my world come to?" he leaned forward and held his head in his hands.

Kaylee hesitantly scooted closer and put a hand on his leather clad shoulder. This act of care and kindness startled Spike. He looked up at her suddenly with confusion and sorrow in his eyes. He let his shoulder relax bit by bit as he grew accustomed to having the young lady's hand across it, then began thinking hard about all that had happened in the last two hours.

Simon stood inside the infirmary, administering a murky blue-green substance to the young blonde who had knocked herself out.

_I can't believe she's just sitting there… holding him like that, as though he's worth anything to her. That's Kaylee, _my_ Kaylee, that he's dragging down into his dark pits of misery, and he's acting like he actually likes her, and all the while I'm in here fixing up _his_ girlfriend so he doesn't eat me._

Buffy's eyes jerked open, as did her mouth, which let out the most horrific sound ever heard from a girl. Spike's head jerked up when he heard the commotion in the infirmary. There were tears on his pale face, and a pain in his ice blue eyes that was incomparable to anything that anyone had ever experienced but him.

Buffy sat up right and held her hands over her ears as though she were trying to capture the silence and hold it all in for herself, trying to ignore the depressed Spike as well.

"Buffy, can you hear me?" Simon asked, leaning in front of the blonde so that he could get a better look at her eyes. She nodded feebly then looked out the window and saw Spike, _her_ Spike in the arms of some grease covered brunette in an olive green jump suit. She turned away.

His head was resting comfortably on her shoulder and he couldn't keep the tears from coming. Kaylee held onto him, and held him close. Her heart seemed to be thumping out a beat fast and loud enough for the both of them.

The way Buffy had looked at him and then turned away made him want to rip out the remnants of his dead, broken heart. It was like she didn't even care. He wanted for her to love him so badly; he needed it. Death just wasn't worth living without her.

_Death. What's the point of living forever if it only makes you miserable to watch the mortals run around, continuing their meaningless lives, knowing full well that they will have the privilege of resting in peace when their lives are through. All I have is the dread of another sleepless day, and another dark lonely night._ His thoughts only made him want her more and more. He was willing to die a second death for her, to die for good this time. _Why didn't I just kill her when I had the chance? I didn't have to stare into her emerald eyes, looking for defeat, for a death wish, anything. Killing her against her bloody wishes would have made it even sweeter. Now look at me. I'm a rejected, beaten down, sodding love slave, and she doesn't even love me. If there is a greater being in this world, why must he torment me so?_

"So these are the rest of the poofters," Mal walked into the waiting room where Spike, who was sitting on the floor, had just lit the fag he'd taken out earlier and was smoking this one all to hell as well, and Kaylee was sitting behind him giving him a massage and talking about different engine types and part classifications.

"_Excuse me_?" Spike jerked his head up and glared at the man who had had the nerve to call _him_ a poofter, "I am _not_ a poofter."

"Huh?" Mal had no idea what the guy was talking about.

"Cap'n, this is Spike, he's from Londinum," Kaylee explained.

"No, not _Londinum_, just _London_, in _England_," he said, turning to face her.

"What?" Mal and Kaylee said in unison.

"Where's that?" Mal asked, "I've never heard of it, or seen such a place."

"England… Europe… the southern hemisphere…" he elaborated.

"Never heard of it," Mal said, "What world's it on?"

"Uh, _Earth_."

"Oh, right, y'all came from the past," Mal remembered the rest of the poofters in the cargo bay working on their box-thing, "Time travel and what-not."

"Exactly," Spike replied, pleased that he had finally made some head way.

"Hello, there," Mal saw Buffy stepping shakily out of the infirmary, "Who's this?"

"That's Buffy," Spike explained, standing up to greet the Slayer.

"Oh, right, is this the 'gorgeous blonde' that Jack what's-his-name was talking about?" Mal walked over to the girl and put out his hand, "I'm Mal Reynolds, captain of the boat."

Spike laughed inwardly when he heard that Jack had been talking about a 'gorgeous blonde', he knew he hadn't been mooning on about Buffy, but instead himself. _It really was once upon a time, Jack,_ Spike reminisced about when he and Jack had met first. _Cold, dark, rain, the dead of night. He was looking for space junk; I was looking for a meal. It's amazing how things happen like that. You've just got to love war time in Cardiff._

"Cap'n, should I go down and see if I can do anything with the Tah-des?" Kaylee asked, pronouncing it as she had heard it.

"Sure, you go and see if you can show those boys a thing or two," Mal told her, ruffling her thick brown hair.

"Kay," she skipped off to the cargo bay to meet the rest of these people from the past.

"I really don't get what's wrong with it," the Doctor pondered aloud, typing on the console, pushing buttons, turning knobs, pulling levers, pounding with his trusty rubber mallet, the whole lot, but nothing helped, they were still hopelessly stuck, "Sodding… high tech… piece of… bleeding… alien junk, it is!"

"Helloo!" Kaylee called into the Police Box, knocking lightly on the open door, "I'm the ship's mechanic, heard you might need some help."

"_I_ am Captain Jack Harkness, and what is _your_ name?" Jack whooshed in from out of no where it seemed, nearly sweeping Kaylee off her feet.

"Hello, I'm Kaylee," she replied, blushing slightly, she put out her hand in a gesture to shake with the handsome Captain.

"Hello, Kaylee," his voice was soft and smooth, just like his dashing yet daringly debonair appearance. He took her hand in his and lightly kissed the back of it.

"Hello, _Captain_," she repeated smiling at the handsome Captain Jack.

"I'm Rose," said a petite blonde, pushing between the two, "The Doctor's companion."

"You're a _Companion_? I didn't know they had those back then," Kaylee was awestruck, maybe these visitors weren't so strange after all, considering they were traveling with a Companion.

"Yeah, _his_ companion, friend, pal, traveling buddy, whatever," Rose continued, pointing to the Doctor who was yelling British insults at the Tardis and beating it with the mallet again.

"Oh, okay, well, I'm just here to help," Kaylee stepped all the way in and looked around the Tardis, "It's a lot bigger on the inside."

"Yeah, newly remodeled," Jack said, leaning against a rail and throwing a wink in Kaylee's direction.

"Would you mind taking your flirting _outside_?" the Doctor called from behind the Tardis mainframe.

"What?! I am _not_ flirting! Gosh… me, flirting…? Do you want me to be flirting?" Jack looked over at Kaylee suddenly with a wide grin, "'Cause I can be, you just say the word."

"I'm not complaining," she answered, returning the grin, _I could get used to this much constant attention, at least I'll never get lonely_, she thought to herself.

"Muchas Gracias," Jack replied. Kaylee blushed even more.

"I heard someone say something about an actual mechanic, do you know where I could find him?" the Doctor asked, walking around the mainframe to examine the newest addition.

"_Her_," Kaylee corrected him, "I'm the mechanic."

"Oh, right then," he walked back to where he had been standing behind the mainframe and began reexamining everything.

"So, what seems to be the problem?" Kaylee asked, whipping out the sonic screwdriver that she'd gotten from Simon the previous Christmas.

"Where'd you get that?" the Doctor pointed to Kaylee's screwdriver, his voice tinged with curiosity, he produced his own from the back pocket of his pants.

"My boyfriend got it for me for Christmas," she explained, blushing a bit.

Behind them Jack nearly fell after his hand had slipped from the railing when he heard about Kaylee's unavailability. "So, you're not… single?" he asked, clearing his throat.

"Well, we're kind of on a break, it's not like we could see other people though," Kaylee told him, "Not exactly much of a selection when it all comes down to it," she mumbled then continued, "Of course, we did just get a few new recruits," she winked at Jack, who then returned the gesture with a shining smile. _I could certainly get used to having this many beautiful men on board_,she thought to herself as she examined the Tardis from every conceivable angle.

AN: Leave a review!! love kara


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Deja-Vu

Jack strayed away from the Doctor and Kaylee. The first thought to enter his mind was _Where's Spike?_ He walked up a set of stairs but stopped mid-flight, then turned around to see Spike behind a tarp covered crate with a flask. He quickly stepped back down the stairs, humming an old Aerosmith song called 'Love in an Elevator'. Traveling with the Doctor had certainly given his taste in music a long jump off the deep end.

Once he reached the floor, Jack peered around the gray tarp, "Spike?"

The sight of the tear stained face of his one night lover crushed him inside. _Why's he crying?_ Jack thought.

"What the bloody hell do you want?" Spike asked after he noticed the look on Jack's face.

Jack put his hands up defensively, "Hey, don't shoot the messenger!" he joked. But Spike wasn't laughing in the slightest sense of the term.

"Sorry, I'm a bit snockered I guess," he sniffed and wiped the back of his hand across his cheek, removing all evidence of the tears that had been pouring across them.

Jack came around to his side of the crate and squatted beside him, then thumped Spike on the shoulder, "Cheer up," Jack wagged his eyebrows, striving to entice a smile out of the vamp, then when that failed, hetried to tempt him further, "Can I kiss it, make it better?"

Spike coughed and straightened himself up. His eyes widened a bit, "_Excuse me_?"

Jack grinned, "Speaking of, how was Madrid?"

Spike finally laughed, "I got captured by the S.S., put on a German U-boat with this ponce who's got a forehead that looks about like the Berlin wall, and then had to swim twenty miles to shore before I got burnt a new one."

Jack raised his eyebrows, "You get a souvenir?"

Spike glared coldly at him with icy blue eyes.

"Would all persons aboard Serenity go to the cargo bay immediately. I repeat, _all_ persons aboard Serenity go to the cargo bay _immediately_, this includes Simon and River Tam, you two missed the last meeting we had, and Mal was _not_ happy about it… _Simon_." An English female voice announced over the PA system, then repeated her original message once more.

Jack looked around them, "I reckon we're in the right place."

Spike sighed, "Seems so."

"Might want to stop the waterworks," Jack said giving him a final pat on the shoulder, then stood up.

Spike reached up to feel his cheeks, "Bloody hell, I'm bawling my bloody eyes out."

Everyone aboard was soon standing about in the cargo bay looking at each other warily. Vera standing on Mal's left, Zoë on his right. Jayne was defensively glowering behind his woman's back. Kaylee stood as a sort of middle ground between the two groups, Simon and River in the back of the Serenity crew.

"Who are you?" Mal looked first to the Doctor.

"I'm the Doctor."

"Doctor who?" Mal asked.

"Nope, just the Doctor."

Mal shrugged then turned to Rose and crossed his arms, he meant for his statement include _everyone_.

"Rose."

"Jack," he held out a gloved hand to Vera, "_Captain_ Jack Harkness."

She blushed like a little school girl. Mal scoffed beside her then put in, "Thought we covered _that_ issue."

Jack rolled his eyes and withdrew his hand.

Captain Reynolds turned next to the Slayer, "You?"

"I'm Buffy"

"Spike. I'm her _bitch_."

Everyone turned to Buffy, who had turned beet red and was glaring at the vampire, the obviously _drunken_ vampire.

"What?" Spike asked indignantly.

The Doctor clicked his tongue and took the floor, "What's your name?"

Mal sighed, " I am _Captain_ Malcolm Reynolds, first mate Zoë, pilot: Vera, Jayne's pretty much self explanatory, Simon's our doctor, and his sister, River."

Kaylee cleared her throat, "I'm Kaylee, I keep this boat in the sky." She snorted a bit when she laughed at how childish she sounded to herself.

Jack loved the snort, "Seems like the most important job on board," he held out his hand. "I'm cap--"

Mal glared at him.

"Jack Harkness," he corrected quickly then put one hand to the side of his face and mouthed "Captain."

Kaylee giggled then nodded her head, "We've met, I do believe."

Simon's eyes burned with contempt, first toward the blonde guy, Spike, and now this Jack guy as well. River just stood there, engrossed in everyone's thoughts, they all sounded funny inside their own heads. She laughed when she looked between the two captains.

"What are you doin' coming aboard Serenity in that hunk-o-junk?" Mal questioned.

The Doctor stepped forward and was about to answer, but Spike put an arm out and caught him mid-step, then pushed him back in line.

"_I_ know the whole story," he took another drink from his flask then began, "My slave-master decided to press buttons while I was trying to do something ex-ex-ex-ex-extremely perfectly…no…yes…no…_pivotally_ important."

Jayne laughed, "Damn, _he's_ had a lot to drink."

Spike held up his forefinger, "No!" he hiccupped, "Someone put alcohol in my liquor." He tried to take another drink then realized that the flask was empty, "Bugger."

Jayne laughed again, "You. Come with me." He started away from the group, and then paused a moment to wait for Spike to take the hint.

"Right," Spike stumbled over to Jayne then followed him up the stairs and out of the cargo bay.

Jayne had been planning for a bit of a drinking binge, and it would be a lot more fun now that he had a drinking partner.

"Where're we go-in?" Spike slurred, then bumped into Jayne who had stopped directly in front of him.

"Gettin' a _gorram_ drink," he opened the door to his bunk and climbed down the ladder and out of sight. Once he reached the bottom he looked around and sighed. It was still a disaster from the last time Vera had come over. _Vera_, he thought. He didn't know why she didn't feel the same way. Was it- of course it was him. Who else _could_ it be, Mal? That would be a good motive for killing the captain. Both captains in fact. That Jack fellow was getting a might bit friendly with his Vera… His thoughts were interrupted by a loud thud, and a British voice shouting, "Bollocks!"

Jayne had forgotten about Spike entirely. He turned around a cocked an eyebrow. The blonde stranger was on the floor where he'd apparently fallen, and was staring at the ceiling.

"All this time and they _still _have fluorescent lights," he looked up at Jayne, "They make me look _dead_."

_This (_insert Chinese here) is crazy, Jayne thought to himself then grabbed a clay bottle off the shelf above his bed, "Here," he said, handing it to Spike, who had just gotten up off the floor and was dusting himself off. Spike eyed the canister suspiciously, then asked, "What the bloody hell is this, then?" 

Jayne smirked then raised his own bottle in a toast, "Mudder's Milk."

"So, you're really from Earth-that-was?" Kaylee asked Buffy, with stars in her eyes.

"Yeah, but to me it's still Earth-that … _is_," she smiled.

Kaylee slapped her hand across her thigh and groaned, "That's so amazing! So's your boyfriend…" Kaylee said the last part just above a whisper but quiet enough for Simon to miss the comment.

Buffy almost choked on her air, "What? Spike's… _not_ my _boyfriend_."

Kaylee nodded, "So he's a slave for _real_?"

Once again, Buffy nearly dropped dead, "No! Oh, God no."

"Oh, so y'all aren't together?" Kaylee asked.

Buffy shook her head, "Nope." The Slayer felt a pang of guilt deep down in her heart.

Kaylee heaved a sigh then said, "I've got to go get that Tardis thing up and running again so y'all can leave. Cap'n don't like strangers."

Buffy smiled softly, but her guilt still tugged at her heart. Spike, in a way, was exactly what he'd implied. He had been, and still was, her slave. Forced to please her sexually and got nothing in return but her hatred and cruelty. That's why Buffy had ended their affair; it wasn't fair to him at the least.

But, after she had seen him with Anya in the Magic Box, it hurt. She realized that she did, in fact, have a stronger emotional attachment to the vampire than she'd known, or even imagined possible.

Seeing him with one of her close friends tore her feelings into shreds and the first person that she thought of was Spike.

To point out a fact, he was the first person she'd think of when she woke up, went to sleep, and showered every day. Not in a dirty sexual way, although her visuals were so erotic that she didn't need porn. Not that she'd needed it before that, but it was much better than anything created simply for sexual fantasies.

Buffy sat all alone in her room that night and cried. She'd wanted someone to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be okay. But she didn't just want this sensual comfort from anyone; she wanted it from Spike and Spike alone. That was why she went to his demolished crypt. To tell him exactly how she felt.

"_I did it my way!"_ Spike and Jayne stumbled out of the galley, down the stairs and into the cargo bay, arms slung around each other's shoulders, singing 'My Way'.

Both men were completely wasted. Buffy slumped her shoulders when she heard the duo approaching. Her mind suddenly strayed from her love for Spike to how much of a pain in the ass he could be.

The snockered Londoner pointed a finger in Buffy's general direction, being he saw three blurry images of the beautiful blonde Slayer. He let go of Jayne and stumbled forward, "You! This is all your fault, Schlayer!" He looked around to the Doctor, whom was having a heated discussion with Mal about whether or not the Tardis crew would be getting off at Sihnon while they were picking up Inara. He then pointed a finger at the out-of-focus Time Lord, "Yours and his!"

Buffy looked down, she had the strangest feeling of Deja-vu. She pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Hangover Pushover

Spike opened one eye hesitantly, only to be met by blinding white light, "Where in bleeding hell am I?" he shouted, sitting bolt up on the uncomfortable steel table. He hit his head on the cabinets just above him. Buffy leapt off her chair in the middle of the room and rushed to his side. She put a soft hand on his tense shoulder.

"Spike, calm down," Buffy began to move her hand in soothing circles on his aching back.

His eyes shot around the room, looking for a hint as to where he was. "It wasn't a dream?"

Buffy shook her head slowly, "No, I'm pretty sure it all really happened."

He turned to her and growled, "It's all your bloody fault that we're here!" Spike jumped up, avoiding the cabinet that had left a gash in his forehead and stalked out of the infirmary then proceeded to make his way to the cargo bay.

"Excuse me?" Buffy had chased after him.

Spike turned and advanced on her, "You heard me." He was inches away from her face.

She closed her eyes and began tapping her foot angrily, "How is this _my_ fault?" she insisted, reopening her eyes to glare at him.

Neither one of them noticed that both crews were gathered in the cargo bay and watching their spat.

"You shouldn't have come. Everything would have gone just fine if you hadn't gotten on the Tardis!"

"What would have gone fine?" Buffy took a step back, putting some distance between her and the fuming vampire; it was starting to get serious.

"Nothing," he recoiled, "forget I said anything. Everything's happy, green and pink and yellow daisies everywhere, and every vampire's got himself a redeemer." He began to walk away.

"No, don't just walk away from me," Buffy reached out and caught his shoulder, spinning him around to face her, "Tell me."

He struggled with his answer. _Should I tell her?_ He thought to himself, _yes, I have to._ "I was…" he couldn't do it.

"What Spike?" Buffy asked then scoffed, "you wanted to go back to the 'glory days'? Free virgin blood baths and such. Back when the streets ran red and nobody cared?"

Spike looked genuinely hurt, she'd grated a tender nerve: his past. He hung his head a mumbled something under his breath.

Buffy couldn't hear the phrase that had been no more than a whisper in the wind, "What was that?" she put a hand on his shoulder; she could feel the emotional pain seeping from every pore.

He looked up at her again; tears glinted in his eyes, "I was going to get a bloody soul!" he shouted, then pulled away from her grasp which had loosened considerably.

She still didn't believe him, he poured out his heart to her, and she thought he was lying, she continued to rub his broken heart raw, "Oh, puh-lease! Just tell me the truth!"

Spike chuckled through his pain, "Just how much longer do you think I could bear to be called a 'soulless monster'? How long until I would start longing for that same redemption you gave to Angelus."

Buffy was taken aback. He was really going to get a soul, "What for?"

He let a lone tear slip down his cheek, "It's what was missing… f-for you to l--"

Buffy felt a surprised tickle of commotion and emotion rise from the pits of her stomach to her throat, she pushed back the knot that had formed, "To _love_ you?" she asked.

Spike bit down on his bottom lip and nodded.

_He's so desperate for me to love him_, a shiver shot down Buffy's spine. After everything that she'd done to him, he still wanted her to love him. _Still, I don't deserve that kind of love and devotion,_ she thought to herself, the guilt tightened around her very soul, the one thing that Spike needed for her to love him, or so _he_ thought.

His hangover was just about to kill him, or send him to a very dark room where he could fight off horrendous pain in his skull.

"If you were to go and do what you were planning to do, I wouldn't love you for it. It wouldn't change a thing. It would just give me one more thing to hate."

His eyes turned bright yellow, following the change of his facial features, "What _will_ you love me for, then?"

Buffy was startled by his sudden transformation, "I…"

"You love me for putting up with your bloody ass? You love me for letting you treat me like your personal lap dog?"

"Sp--," she interrupted again.

He threw his hands in the air as though he was being attacked, then brought them quickly back down. He tapped the center of his chest, "I _know_ I love you. Anyone can see that _I_ do. Sunnydale demon population's tagged me as a bloody traitor, not to mention the mockery to the vampire tradition," he continued fuming, "You think I don't feel anything because I have no soul. I go to get one to make you happy. That's all I wanted, that's all I've ever wanted, for you to be bloody happy."

"Spike, stop… please."

He drew a deep, unnecessary breath, "Buffy, I never wanted to use _you_ for your body. I just wanted to be the person that held you when you needed to be held, that was there for you no matter what."

Buffy was beginning to tear up.

Spike paced in front of her, his face halfway between vampire and human, as though he couldn't decide which he really was. "I never _asked_ to sleep with you."

Buffy knitted her brows, she fought back the tears a while longer.

"Hell, I doubt this would be happening if I'd pushed you off of me that night!"

"_What_?"

Spike sighed, his features smoothed, and he lowered his voice slightly, "You said that you were using me, but… there was nothing left to use after that." He couldn't look at her any longer, so he focused on a scuff on his black leather boot.

Buffy wiped away the first tear before it had the chance to fall. She reached out cautiously to touch his shoulder.

He back out of her reach. "Don't touch me."

"Spike, I'm sor-,"

"Don't," he whispered mournfully, "Just… don't."

He stepped around her then ran out of the cargo bay and up the stairs, uncertain of just where he was going, his soul intent was to get as far away from the Slayer as possible, as quickly as possible.

Vera glanced over at Jayne, "And I thought _we_ had problems…"

Mal was on his way from the crew dorm, headed for the cargo bay when Spike crashed into him.

"Hey, you and your girlfriend get Jayne's bunk, down that way, on the left. One thing, don't touch anything that looks (insert appropriate Chinese here), it might not be _safe_, if you get my meaning." Mal pointed down a passage just behind him. Spike nodded once, then darted toward the bunk to which he had been directed.

Mal approached Zoë once he got to the cargo bay, "What happened out here?"

Zoë cleared her throat, "Domestic dispute, sir," she turned her eyes to the young blonde crying on a large crate on bobble-head dolls.

"She and-?"

"The monster man, sir."

Mal clapped his hands anxiously, "She okay?"

Zoë shrugged and walked over to Vera and Jayne.

"Alright then, I'll just go down and see…" Mal took the steps two at a time. He came up behind her and cleared his throat, "Uh, you okay, Betty?"

"It's _Buffy_," she told Mal, her tone was like verbal fire.

Jack and Kaylee turned their attention to the Tardis, the Doctor and Rose began an animated discussion about salmon, and Vera ushered Jayne up the stairs, then stayed behind with Zoë to wait out the emotional flood.

Mal sat down next to the blonde, and cleared his throat again, "You, um, want to talk about it?"

Buffy shook her head, "No, not really. It's kind of personal."

Mal laughed as he ran a hand through his hair apprehensively, "You two had a bit of an audience."

She put her face in her hands and wept quietly.

Mal, unsure of what to do, put an unsteady hand on her back and patted it softly. "It's… okay… if he loves you, he'll come back."

She looked up him in shock, then buried her face in his shoulder and sobbed even harder.

Vera moved closer to Zoë, "What's he doing to her?" she asked skeptically.

Zoë sighed and crossed her arms, "That man… you weren't here for Saffron."

"Saffron?" Vera inquired, "Jayne's mentioned her before…"

Zoë laughed, "I'll bet he has."

Vera brushed her fingers through her sandy blonde hair and stared curiously at the emotional disaster taking place in front of them. "Maybe we should get him out of there?"

Zoë shook her head, "Nah, Captain needs a lesson in human emotions." She gave Vera a final smile, then walked up the stairs.

Buffy was still clinging to Mal frantically, bawling hysterically.

Spike was about to climb down the ladder into Jayne's bunk, which had a lingering smell similar to that of old sex. "God, what have I done?" He slammed his head against the top rung.

He had to go back and apologize. All the things he said…_But how does one apologize for being a bigger ponce than Captain Forehead and his soulful salvation… how the hell do I apologize for loving her?_

Spike pulled the bunk ladder back into place and went back to the cargo bay. The entire way there, he was thinking of how to apologize for everything he'd done since he'd first met her.

He entered the bay and found Buffy in Captain Reynolds's close embrace.

"Buffy," Spike barely managed to choke out her name.

She lifted her head from the captain's tear soaked shoulder, "What?" the question was blatantly harsh, as was her plan to be as rude as possible during the entire conversation. Then she notice a cut just above his preexisting scar. There was a single drop of blood trickling down the side of his morose face. "You're hurt."

She stood up and gently touched the wound. He flinched at the feeling of her warm hands on his cold damp brow. Her soft touch didn't hurt, the wound wasn't deep, or badly bleeding, but the sign that she cared about that small thing gave him a fleeting glimmer of hope that both encouraged and terrified him. "What happened?" she asked, removing her fingers from the cut, there was blood smeared on them.

He looked down, "I'm sorry for the things I said. I didn't mean a sodding one of 'em."

She took his hand in hers and held it to her chest, and then looked into his eyes, "Yes you did."

"Alright! I meant it all, I just feel really bad about saying it," he pulled his hand out of her grasp and rubbed his shoulder nervously.

Buffy touched his chin in a motion to make him look up at her, "Thank you."

She released his chin and hugged him. Spike hadn't expected her to do that; he hadn't expected her to want to even look at him after all that he'd said. "Buffy, you're allowed to stake me."

Her eyes widened, "What?"

"You know… poke me with your pointy sticks. I wouldn't blame you if you did," he looked miserable and lifeless.

"Spike, I won't- I can't," she buried her face in his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist tighter. She mumbled something.

"What, _luv_?"

She stared at him for only a moment before leaning in to kiss him.

He pulled back just before their lips met, "Whoa, not again, _luv_."

Buffy was perplexed, "What's wrong?"

"You trying to kiss me, that's what's wrong," he smirked.

"Spike, I was trying to…"

"Yeah, yeah, Slayer. I know the drill. You get all sad, get _me_ concerned, then bam!" he jerked out of her hold on 'bam'.

"Spike, I wasn't…"

He bit his bottom lip and looked up, "You weren't what, doing that as a sign of _affection_? You were going to use me, and then lose me the second you _**came**_! I've seen it all before." Spike snapped his fingers emphatically.

She loved him, she really did, but sometimes he could be so…_ugh!_

"Admit it, _Slayer_."

Buffy glared at him with as much contempt as she could muster, "Maybe I _would_ if I didn't _love_ you so damn much!"

His heart shattered; there was nothing else to do but run, fast and hard. _Anywhere but here and now._


	5. Fairy Tales

Chapter 5: Fairy Tale 

Spike was thinking about his fight he had just run from with his former lover, "Bitch," he whispered.

How long had she felt that way about him? Before she ended it? After Anya? He had no idea. The only thing that he was certain of was that tossing his lighter into the air repeatedly was not the wisest of activities.

The metallic cartridge of liquid fire came down from the air and struck him squarely on the nose. Pain shot through his face, "Bloody hell," he grumbled.

There was a knock at the door of the bunk. Spike sat up rubbing the newly developed red spot on the bridge of his nose right as Jack jumped down without the use of the cumbersome ladder. "Am I interrupting your alone time?"

Spike shook his head with a pained expression inscribed upon his face, "I dunno… I've tried everything with _her_."

"_Everything_?" Jack walked over and sat down beside Spike.

Spike cocked his unscarred eyebrow, "_Almost_ everything… wait… hold the phone! The hair! Is it the hair?" he looked truly concerned, "I haven't done anything with the hair, so it _could be_ the hair."

Jack smiled and shook his head, "It's _not_ the hair, the hair is _fine_." He stood up and put a hand in the air, then began counting off on his fingers, "It's beautiful, it's simple, not too long, _nor_ too short, and _no_ sideburns. Nothing _crazy_. Take it from me, I've been working this do since I was like five, and believe you me, it's _not_ the hair."

Spike furrowed his brows, "Then what the bleeding hell is the problem?"

Jack scoffed, "I think _she's_ the problem. She's got you so tense and uptight, you need to relax a little, take a load off. I could help with that." He winked seductively.

Spike grinned, "Once upon a time, Captain Jack Harkness, but just that _once_."

Jack shook his head in protest, "Oh, come on, Spike, _every_ good fairytale has it's sequel." Jack scooted closer and rested a hand on Spike's dramatic cheek bone, running his thumb just beneath his eye, "We're all alone… no one needs to know."

Jack leaned in to kiss him. It didn't take much to bring the vampire to his feet. Once standing, Jack placed a hand on the small of Spike's back and pulled him closer to deepen their recent embrace. Spike pulled away, "I can't do this… not to her… not now…"

"You underestimate yourself, Spike," he ran the tips of his fingers through his companion's platinum blonde hair, "She doesn't _deserve_ you, and you _don't_ need her. _And_, yes you _can_ do it Spike, I _know_ you can do it." The Captain slid his hand around the back of Spike's neck and kissed him again.

Spike was extremely hesitant, until Jack's tongue brushed over his lips as if asking for an invitation inside. He parted his lips slightly, allowing Jack to enter his domain.

Gently, Jack massaged Spike's lips with his own, and occasionally allowed his tongue to caress Spike's. He could taste his pain. _What can he say? It's in his kiss,_ Jack laughed on the inside, not daring to break the spell between them. He began to push Spike back toward the bed and then right up to the wall right behind the bed. Once Spike was seated firmly against the wall, Jack supported himself by placing one knee gingerly between Spike's quivering legs, and put his hands on the wall on either side of Spike's head.

If desperation had a spokesman, Spike's kiss would definitely get a call back after the audition…

"Wha—- Son-of-a-bitch!" A loud clatter made the two jump apart, and gave Jack time to catch his breath. Jayne was standing at the base of the ladder clutching a spoon, with a mouthful of something that smelled similar to crotch. "Mal!" the weapon junkie shouted, backing into the ladder before climbing out as fast as he could.

Spike swallowed hard, "Well, looks like the sequel has a cliffhanger, Jack-o."

Jack gave a half smile, "Maybe…"

Spike gasped melodramatically and put a hand to his chest, "And leave the audience waiting?"

Jack laughed, "Tune in next week."

The captain of Serenity ran to the bunk and jumped down the ladder, nearly out of breath, "Damn it, Jayne! You said it was worse than Reavers! It's only vamp-boy and fifty-first century guy." He looked up at Jayne, who was standing above the bunk entry.

Jayne shook his head, "No, Mal, something was really wrong…"

Mal rolled his eyes and muttered something in Chinese. Jayne just stood there shaking his head with a grimace painted across his face.

"Kaylee, I need you in the engine room NOW!" Vera shouted over the PA, "If I don't have you in there soon, we're going to be dead in the sodding water! Then bloody bollocks to any hopes of reaching Sihnon… EVER!"

"Now what's that all about, then?" the Doctor looked down at Kaylee, who was under the main frame of the Tardis. She slid out with a worried look on her face.

"Oh no, not again… it'd better not be that _gorram_ catalyzer_…_" she darted from the Tardis and up to the engine room.

"Kaylee, you in there yet?" Vera's voice echoed through the ship, alerting the rest of the crew, "I haven't got the faintest sodding idea of _what_ could be wrong in there, but I _know_ it's pretty bloody bad."

"I'm here, V," Kaylee said into the engine room's com-unit, "what's she doing?"

"I don't know, but… I can't change course, so whatever it is, it's screwing with the navcom, and we're completely under the radar, so we've got to fix this on our own."

"Alright, give me a minute to check the catalyzer and the compression coil," Kaylee ran over to the left hand side of the engine unit and began to shut it down, "I've got to shut it all down to check it out," she shouted to the com-unit.

"Alright, just make sure we've still got air," Vera replied, then announced over the PA, "Attention all persons on board Serenity, we're experiencing some slight technical difficulties, and we'll be shutting down for a bit, everything but the air. Please sit tight while we straighten this out. I'll be back on in a bit to give you an update as to how much longer we'll be parked."

"Thanks, V," Kaylee was back at the com-unit, rigging it so that she'd be able to talk to Vera while the ship's main computer was offline, "This line is going to stay on so that we can talk the situation over."

"M'kay, Kaylee," Vera replied, then began switching off all of her equipment on the bridge.

"Hey," Jack stumbled through the dark, barely managing to find his way into the engine room, "Heard about the engine problems, figured I could help. It's the least I can do."

"Sure," Kaylee replied as she groped around her ample tool box looking for her small LED flashlight, "Give me two seconds to get some light in here, then we can figure out what's wrong with my girl."

"Does this help?" Jack hit a button on his vortex manipulator which caused the lights to come on in the engine room.

"Yeah, thanks…" Kaylee continued her search through the tool box, then paused and looked around, "Wait… how'd you do that?"

"I'll show you sometime when we're not trying to get this piece of scheiss up and running," Jack went over to Kaylee's side and grabbed a random screwdriver out of the massive box.

"_What_ did you just call Serenity?" Kaylee asked defensively, then glared at Jack while she pulled out her sonic screwdriver and went to check out the compression coil.

"Nothing, never mind that now… what do you think is wrong?" Jack asked, looking around for something that _looked_ like it could be a problem, but the engine room was in top shape.

"It could be just about anything," Kaylee replied, pulling out a bundle of wires and checking through them one by one looking for snags and breaks.

"So, it's basically a wild goose chase," Jack went over the left side of the engine unit as well and squatted beside Kaylee.

"Pretty much, yeah," Kaylee laughed a bit then reverted back to being serious frighteningly fast, "All I've got to do is get us limping, then once we get to Sihnon and pick up Inara, I can give her a full work over, assuming Cap'n gets this deal right, otherwise we won't be able to fuel the ship, unless dirt is suddenly combustible, then it'd have to be pretty cheap dirt, because we're _broke_."

"Well, let's get lim--," Jack was interrupted by Kaylee's sudden gasp.

"That's it!" she pushed a button on her sonic screwdriver and flashed it over the secondary grav boot, "I knew it would start acting up _some_ day."

"So… that's it?" Jack looked crestfallen to have his time in the engine room cut so short

"Well, no, not really, but this'll get us to Sihnon," Kaylee explained, then went over to the com-unit, "Hey, V, we're up and running… well, limping… again, I'm turning everything back on."

"Alright, fantastic," Vera replied over the intercom, then announced over the PA system that everything was coming back up and they were back on track.

"That was amazing," Jack commented as Kaylee brushed her hands off on her pants and flopped down in her hammock.

"What was?" Kaylee asked, looking up at the 'Captain'.

"That, what you just did there," he continued, "you looked at the engine, thought about it for a second and then, 'bam!' you fixed it."

"I didn't _fix_ it," Kaylee explained, totally flattered, but tried to shrug it off anyway, "I just got us _limping_; the barest minimum… it's nothing _special_."

"It was still amazing," he said before walking out.

She felt bad for not accepting his compliment, so before he got too far away, she called after him, "Thanks, Cap'n Jack Harkness."

He came back in to the engine room with a wide smile on his face, "You're welcome, Kaywinnit Lee."

"How d'you…?" she stuttered, no one called her by her full name, no one ever bothered to really remember it. _Simon_ didn't even _know_ her full name.

"River told me," he explained, and then walked back out of the room, leaving in his wake, not a cold, emptiness, like Simon, but a warm, fuzzy feeling that filled the entire room.

She sighed and lay back in her hammock. _It's too bad Simon hasn't been around half as much as Jack, then maybe he could at least compete… but that guy can't say anything without it coming out wrong… like that gorram cow thing…_

_AN: I bet you are all wondering WTF about the Spike and Jack incident? Duh, this is the last part of a trilogy and it also has a companion story. Blitz Bliss is what it's called. I have it posted so far and I think you should ALL read it. Okay? Expect some Spuffy, Vera/Jayne, and even Malnara love in the next few chapters! That's right. Malnara, I said it was a trilogy. Try reading "Dirty Little Secrets"._


	6. Chapter 6&7

Disclaimer: Joss and Russell own it all.

Chapter 6

"Well now, there's our favourite mechanic," Mal turned to face Kaylee who had just appeared on the bridge behind him and Vera.

"Cap'n, I have no idea what's wrong with her," Kaylee confessed, looking down at the floor, "She didn't give me a sign, she didn't tell me nothin'… I dunno what happened, she just… stopped."

"But we're up and running," Mal said, trying to lift the mechanic's spirits.

"Limping…" Kaylee mumbled, still focusing on the floor, "Barely."

"That's enough for me," Mal gave her an encouraging hug then went down to the galley where he had laid out his gun collection just before the ship had started acting up. Kaylee in turn walked back to her bunk with her head hung low.

"You used your _vortex manipulator_ to turn the lights on?" the Doctor was livid with Jack using super-advanced technology in the presence of the young mechanic.

"The ship wouldn't be up and running right now if I hadn't," Jack insisted, "Besides, she's already got her own damn future tech… that sonic screwdriver of hers… that's got a striking resemblance to yours, now doesn't it?"

"Which is precisely why I can use mine, because they're already available," the Doctor replied, pacing the Tardis, "Your _fifty-first_ _century_ toys won't be around for another _twenty-four centuries_!"

"Well _sorry_ for saving our asses back there!" Jack stormed out of the Tardis and headed for the bunk to which he'd been assigned.

He reached the bunk right as Kaylee was climbing out. "Hey, Jack," she greeted him cheerfully as she shut the bunk trap-door.

"Hey," he replied, her radiant joy immediately lightened his mood.

"I was just going back up to the engine room to see if I could figure out what's really wrong with Serenity," she told him then put out her hand as an invitation to join her, "you can come along too, I could use a bit of help, if, you know, you want to."

"I'd be more than happy to come," Jack took her hand and followed her back up to the engine room.

They arrived at the engine room in a fit of giggles, Kaylee had tears streaming down her face, "And none of you told him that-"

"Not one of us had the heart to tell him the truth the morning after… and he was just so _proud_ of it… I mean this guy is wearing women's underwear on his head, and singing "That Way" by the Backstreet Boys… he was just so drunk… of course we all told him that it was his military beret and he was singing the National Anthem, but… god it was _so_ funny. And when he woke up the next day, he had no idea what had happened, just that he'd been out at a karaoke bar in Baltimore! Oh, man… good times!"

"And when was this?" Kaylee asked, wiping the tears off her face.

"Let's see, it was just after I met the Doctor, so say… a month ago? Well, technically, five-hundred, forty… something years ago… but-"

"Oh, yeah, I forgot you're from the past…"

"Well, _I'm_ not."

"But the people you're with, they're from the past though, right?"

"It's complicated," Jack sighed and sat down on Kaylee's hammock.

"Well if you're not from the past, and you're not from now, then when _are_ you from?" Kaylee sat down beside the engine and began examining the compression coil.

"Fifty-first century Earth," he explained.

"The future… of _Earth?_" she looked back at him disbelievingly.

"I told you it was complicated," Jack shrugged his shoulders casually.

"But Earth was destroyed," Kaylee turned completely around to face him.

"About that…"

"You _didn't_! _Did_ you?" her eyes grew wide.

"No… well, I helped… a little… but it wasn't _just_ me!" he added.

"So, I'm sitting in the same room as the guy who _destroyed_ Earth?!"

"NO! It's not like that! It wasn't completely destroyed, I swear!" he put up his hands defensively and sat further back in the hammock.

"Then _why_ can't anyone go back?" Kaylee asked accusingly.

"Because I haven't fixed it yet," Jack explained compassionately.

"So, you just destroy the planet and then go back and fix it?"

"I told you already, it's complicated."

"But you _destroyed_ Earth!" she shouted.

Jack looked down at his hands for a moment then looked back up at her with guilt in his eyes, "Would you believe me if I told you it was an accident?"

Kaylee was taken aback by how upfront he was about it all, "I might. But how-?"

"Just trust me," He leaned forward in the hammock and took her hand, "I _do_ make it better."

She looked into his sparkling blue eyes intently, "When?"

"Well, when are we?"

She looked at him curiously, "Twenty-sixth century."

He nodded then continued, "What _year_?"

"Twenty-five-eighteen."

"Well, give me about twenty years to sort it all out," he told her with a smile, "then Earth'll be good as new."

"_Twenty-five-thirty-eight_? Why can't you just do it now?" Kaylee pleaded, "You've done it once, so you know how…"

Jack could no longer hold her innocent gaze, he looked down at his vortex manipulator and sighed, "I've already changed history way too much. Just my being here changes _everything_. I ruined something here last time."

"No, it's not your fault… we were pretty bad off before you…" she put a hand on his shoulder.

"I meant destroying Earth." He looked up at her finally.

She looked at him inquisitively, "You said it was an _accident_."

He looked surprised for some reason. _This girl is amazing_, he thought as he held her intent stare. "And it was, I swear, but it's still my fault… just like the Blitz."

She shook her head; the term was alien to her, "The _Blitz_?"

"Yeah, that's how me and the Doctor met. Caught Rose as she was attempting to take London by barrage balloon." He laughed as he thought back to that night… just four weeks before, well, a few centuries, but what's the difference in time travel? "I should just stop dealing in Chula space junk, it messes up _every_ _single_ _time_."

"Hey, at least you fixed it," Kaylee sat down beside him, "I can't even figure out what's really wrong with the ship."

Jack stood up and pulled Kaylee to her feet. "Well, let's take a look around, I've been around… ships that is… picked up a few _tricks_."

Kaylee showed him to the left side of the engine unit and told him, "I _think_ it's the compression coil, but we _just_ replaced it, so that wouldn't make any sense."

Jack continued to explore the unit, he walked over to the opposite side and squatted down to examine it, "What the hell did you do to your reg couple? It's not even in here!"

Kaylee walked over to him and bent to his level, "Well, you don't really need it. Just tends to gum up the works. Serenity's been running for years without one."

"That's because ships don't need a reg couple until they've been flying for fifteen years, then that part is everything," Jack enlightened her, "I can't believe it's even stayed in the sky this long…"

Kaylee rolled her eyes slightly then informed the cocky captain of a few things about her boat, "Serenity's been running for much longer than that, not necessarily without the reg couple, but she's been in the sky for a _lot_ longer than fifteen years."

"Well," Jack turned about as though he were looking for something, "Where is it?"

"What?"

"The reg couple. You put that back in and let her run with it for a while, then she's as good as new for another ten or so years."

"Fine… wait right here, I'll be right back," she spun around and ran from the engine room.

While she was gone Jack had a look about the engine room. It was on the smallish side, considering the massive time machine he usually traveled in. As he turned round he began humming "Moonlight Serenade" then paused and put a hand on the side of the engine unit, listening to the spinning heart of the ship.

Kaylee cleared her throat, breaking Jack's trance, "I found it," she held up the missing part.

"Right, well, lets get this thing done," he followed her around to the reg couple's proper place, just above the secondary grav boot that had been giving them trouble earlier.

He stood back and watched Kaylee's backside intently as she reinstalled the piece. "Excellent bottom."

Kaylee continued working, seemingly oblivious to the meaning behind his comment, and then took a double take, "Excuse me?" she turned around to face him.

"Nothing, I just said 'excellent bottom'," he shrugged his and smiled at her.

She returned to her work, "Oh, okay… thanks."

They were silent for a while longer, but the silence seemed dreadfully loud to the suddenly uneasy captain.

"You know what, I'm feeling a little hungry. Shall I get you something too?" Jack stepped back toward the engine room door slowly.

"Um, no, I'm… shiny, Cap'n," Kaylee gave him a smile before he exited the cramped quarters.

"Do you have any bananas?" the Doctor walked into the galley where Mal was cleaning his guns.

"Bananas?" Mal turned around with confusion marring his concentrated face, "What in the (insert appropriate Chinese here) do you want a banana for?"

"To eat," the Doctor replied matter-of-factly, "Why else… wait, what do _you_ use bananas for?"

"Uh, we don't," Mal turned back to his guns, then quickly added, "Have any bananas that is."

"Oh," he began to walk away, then spun on his heel and returned to Mal's side, "You're not very good at this, are you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Mal asked defensively, glaring at the intruder.

"Doesn't _everybody_ know that the small, concealable weapons go on the _left_ side of the place setting?" The Doctor picked up a small hand gun and set it down on the far left corner of the table to emphasize his point.

"Everyone says that," Mal moved the gun back to his right-hand side then continued, "But I'm just more comfortable with this one _close at hand_."

"Suit yourself," the Doctor walked away in the direction of the cargo bay. He passed Jack on his way out. "Go in there and show that man how to clean his guns," he muttered under his breath, "And find out where they keep the bloody bananas."

"Will do, Doctor," Jack replied quietly and then stepped into the galley.

"If you're here for the bananas, we _don't_ have any, Bucky," Mal glowered as he polished a large hand gun with vigor.

"_Bucky_?" Jack sounded offended, "If I can't be a _captain_, can I at least be _Jack_?"

Mal turned around to face him, "Oh, I thought you were that other guy… with the teeth," he motioned to his eye-teeth to demonstrate his point.

"_Spike_?" Jack ventured and took a seat at the long table.

"Yeah, him…" Mal set down his glistening gun and looked indecisively at the rest of his collection.

"Spike doesn't eat bananas," Jack explained with a smile as he thought of something that the vampire _would_ 'eat'.

"Right, _blood_, whatever," Mal picked up a pistol at long last and began giving it the spa treatment, "How often do we need to feed him?"

"Just leave that to me," Jack put his hand on Mal's forearm and looked him in the eyes convincingly.

"I don't want to ask, do I?"

"Not so much," Jack stood up from the table and began looking around the pantry, "so, if there aren't any bananas around, what _is_ there to eat on this tin can?"

"Protein supplements in all colors of the rainbow, water, milk, there should be a few apples up there, tea, spices, grain supplements, the usual fair for a _tin can_ this size," Mal turned to watch the younger captain look around at their foodstuffs.

"All of this synthetic?" Jack picked up one of the foil wrapped protein supplement bars and sniffed it, "Or just the stuff that smells like crotch?"

"No, the stuff that smells like crotch is the _real_ thing," Mal replied jokingly.

"Wow, so, it's _all_ real then?"

"In its own sense, we've got no imaginary food on this here ship," Mal returned to his guns, silently shaking his head.

"You know, you've got your system all backwards," Jack commented as he paused by the table again on his way out of the galley, "the small, concealable handguns go on the _left_, the _big_ stuff goes on the right."

"Would you people stop complaining about how I set up my _gorram_ guns?" Mal slammed a hand down on the table to accentuate his anger.

"Sorry, I didn't know it was such a delicate topic," Jack backed out of the galley with his hands up by his chest, "I'll just leave you and yours to your _privacy_."

Chapter 7

"Hey, it's River, right?" Buffy walked up to the small brunette and put out her hand, "I'm Buffy."

River eyed her hand suspiciously, inspecting Buffy's acrylic nails. "Your nails are made out of plastic," River stated, not bothering to take Buffy's hand, "And they smell funny."

"Right," Buffy withdrew her hand and smiled tentatively at River, "Um, so… the doctor, he's your brother, right?"

"I'd rather not discuss the topic of Simon at this juncture," River was silently probing Buffy's thoughts as she spoke, "You don't _really_ love him. You only said what you did so that he'd forgive you for being so malicious toward him. But _he_ meant it. _He_ means it every time he says it. You know its true; so don't bother contradicting me. All you want him for is his athletic body and great hair. But hey, we all have crosses to bear."

"Okay, they were right," Buffy turned to walk away from the young girl, "You're not all there."

"But I _am_," River retaliated, "I've got a lot more up there than _you_ do."

Buffy turned around and glared, "What do _you_ know about me?"

"Your name is Buffy Anne Summers, you met Xander on your first day at Sunnydale, Willow and Cordy too. Xander had and still has a crush on you. You fell in love with a vampire named Angelus, lost your little cherry to _him_, turned him into a monster, you did. Brought back the _real_ Angelus. The night you first met Spike at the Bronze he told you that he was going to kill you," River listed unceremoniously, "He didn't succeed, did he? Nope, your mom hit him in the back of the head with an axe on parents' night at your school. Saved your life and ruined his. You two started patrolling together, he became the pox on the name of vampires. You wouldn't give him the _light_ of day, so he built the bot. He got captured by an ex-goddess and tortured to no prevail, so you saved his life, and pretended to be the bot. Then after all that, you just dropped him like he was nothing. All beaten and bruised and…"

"Stop it!" Buffy yelled, "Just stop it!"

"Running from the past? But it follows you everywhere, even out here in the black," River looked further into Buffy's thoughts, "more than five hundred years in the future. And what do you do? Kill him, that's what you do. After all that he does for you, and you _kill_ him."

"No, he's alive… I can't kill him," Buffy had tears in her eyes.

"He's not _alive_, he's been dead since before you ever met him," said River who looked to be in a daze, "Back when the streets ran red, and nobody cared. That's when he was alive. Writing his poems. Then came Dru, she killed him, and then truly brought him to life, hence turning him into the Scourge of Europe. Such pretty little dollies all bound and gagged and stuffed. Can I touch one?"

"How do you know? How can you know all that?" Buffy was franticly trying to figure out how this little girl knew so much about everything.

"And then there was Captain Jack Harkness, he loved him. Jack _still_ loves him. But you don't. Why don't you love him? The Bible says that you should _love_ your enemies. It was wrong about everything else, but _you_ still believe in the Bible, don't you?" River was prying at that which she couldn't read from Buffy's easily opened mind.

Buffy began to back away from River, shaking her head in denial. She finally turned from her and ran up the stairs and into the corridor with the bunks and led up to the bridge. She found the bunk that Mal had directed her to earlier and opened the door. She slipped down the ladder then missed the last rung and fell to the floor. Her hair was a mess, there were tears streaming down her face, and on top of it all, she had broken a nail.

"Why me?" she pleaded to no one in particular, being she hadn't noticed the other someone in the room, "What did I do?"

Spike looked up at the woman sitting beneath the trap door entry-way. "What did _you_ do?"

She looked up in surprise, and then quickly began wiping her face, trying to cover up her emotions. She felt weak and vulnerable in her current position. But no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't push it all back that time. "Spike, hold me… please…"

He slowly approached her then knelt down at her side. Spike was unsure of how to go about holding her. He didn't, after all, want to ruin it and make it seem like he wanted to take advantage of her, but he didn't want it to appear as though he didn't care either, because he _did_ care, he cared with all his heart. But before he could make up his mind, Buffy threw herself into his unprepared arms and began sobbing into his chest. He cautiously put an arm around her shoulders then brought a hand up to the back of her neck. She leaned against him so firmly that it nearly threw him off balance.

"Easy then, _luv_, it'll be all right," he stroked her soft hair and set his chin atop her head thoughtfully, "The sun will come out tomorrow… and then I'll have to run and hide." Spike frowned at the corny attempt at a joke.

Her shoulders shook as the waterworks continued. There was just no consoling the young blonde. It was like she had her mind set against feeling better about herself. _And with good reason_, she thought, _I've been a terrible person to him. I don't see how he can stand to even look at me after all that I've done._

"Hey, what happened?" Spike continued to run his fingers through her satin-soft hair, "Did the Captain say something? I could bite him for you." _No I can't, why did I just say that, the bloody chip takes care of that. I'll probably starve out here._

Buffy looked up at him and shook her head then touched her cheeks and felt the warmth of her tears. It was like someone had dumped the contents of the Pacific Ocean across her face. "No, you would never bite Jack. _He_ _loves you_."

"Buffy, is that what this is all about? Because Jack still can't let go of that little thing back in Cardiff?" He leaned away from her a bit and smiled slightly, "That's old news, _luv_, really…"

"No, it's not that… it was… the girl… River," Buffy muttered the name uncertainly, "It was like she was inside… _in_ my mind… like she could read it… I don't know," she sniffed, "It sounds crazy, I know… but Spike, she started talking about me and Angel… and you and Drusilla… 'Back when the streets ran red'… it was like she looked inside me and saw everything that I ever was… everything about me…like she's psychic…"

"Psychic? That sounds almost science fiction," Spike shook his head disbelievingly and laughed a little, "I know we're on a space ship, and I'm a vampire, and that we got here on a time machine… but _psychic though_?"

"Now you're laughing at me," Buffy stared at Spike with pain in her eyes, "If you don't believe me, then go talk to her yourself."

"I think I will," Spike began to stand up after he released Buffy from his embrace.

Buffy stood up as well, then went over to the bed and sat down. Spike gave her one last fleeting glance before he made his way up the ladder and out into the corridor.

"Kaylee?" Jack knocked on the door to her bedchamber.

"It's open!" she called back.

Jack opened the door and climbed down the ladder. "Hey, I was just in the engine room looking for you."

"Oh, well, we fixed the ship, so… there wasn't much left to do up there. Figured I'd come get some rest before somethin' else goes wrong," she replied, then motioned to the spot beside her on the bed and continued, "Have a seat? Not much else to do."

"Gladly," the Captain took the seat offered, then leaned back on the bed, "So, what else do you do on the ship? I mean, keep her in good repair, it's a big job, but you seem to have that down, so what do you do… like, for fun?"

"Not much, talk to River, but she's engrossed in everyone else's minds right now… and sometimes I hang out with Simon, in the infirmary… if there's nothing better to do," Kaylee shrugged her shoulders and leaned back as well, "I guess most of the time I just sit in here… thinking."

"What do you mean, 'engrossed in everyone's minds'?" Jack looked over at Kaylee inquisitively, "Like, a reader?"

"Yeah, well, psychic… but Simon calls her a 'reader'," Kaylee said, silently wishing they could just leave the 'Simon topic' out of their conversation.

"My innate understanding of the female creature leads me to the conclusion that this man causes you some distress," Jack put an arm around Kaylee's shoulders lovingly, "Am I correct?"

Kaylee snuggled up to his side and nodded. Jack tightened his grasp and turned to face her better.

"Is there anything that I can do to help?" he asked with a concerned look to his visage, "Anything at all?"

Kaylee just shook her head and tried to bite back the tears, but they just continued to burn at the rims of her eyes. She closed her eyes to hide the tearful shimmer that thinking about Simon brought upon her. But closing her eyes only made the image of the handsome MD more vivid and painful. Jack perceived this and tried to help by lifting little Kaylee's face to his and giving her a soft kiss. _What is it with me and kissing people today?_ He thought to himself as his tongue slowly began to caress the inside of her orifice, _and I can taste her pain too… gosh, is everyone just down and out today?_

"We shouldn't be…" Kaylee started to say, then allowed Jack to press his lips to hers once again, silencing her objection. _At least he's persistent. Simon would've backed off right there. God, I am loving this guy right now… and that thing he just did with his tongue! _Jack's tongue seemed to be making love to the top of her mouth as she was thinking this, and she thought that it's versatility was amazing. _I bet he could do anything with it… unlike Simon… that boy could take a few pointers from this man… speaking of pointers… hello, Captain! _She felt Jack begin to take on his full masculine form just beneath his black leather chinos as he slowly brought himself above her.

He stayed his kissing and sat back for a moment to pose a single question, "Kaylee, are you sure you're okay with this?"

"Would I still be kissing you if I wasn't?" she countered and then pulled him back toward her by the front of his shirt.


	7. One Night in Cardiff

Chapter eight: One Night in Cardiff…

(A/N: This story has two prequels: 'Dirty Little Secret' (aka: Malnara) and 'Love at First Fight', there is also a companion: 'Blitz Bliss'. You can find them in the Doctor Who and Firefly sections of this site! I suggest you read them all before this chapter. It would be very beneficial in the understanding of the Spike/Jack and Jayne/Vera story lines. Also it might help you in the category of 'who is this Vera broad and why is she piloting Serenity?!' Trust me, the others _were_ written first…)

Spike rounded the corner of the galley running into Mal, "Sorry, mate…Have you seen that Stream bird?"

"River?" Mal questioned, putting his hands into his pockets and slumping forward.

Spike snapped his fingers, "That's the one! Have you seen her around?" he peered behind Mal, hoping to catch a glimpse of her.

Mal shook his head apologetically then tried to remember who he was talking to, _Jack? no…_, "Sorry, um…?"

"Spike." He filled in the blank and continued, "Well, if you see her, can you, you know, tell me?"

Mal eyed him curiously, "What do you need with River? Hungry or something?"

Spike chuckled, "Hardly, even if I was, I can't. I just need to speak to the bird is all."

Mal gave a nod and walked away, leaving Spike on the search for the psychic that had brought Buffy to tears. A hand touched his leather clad shoulder, "Bloody he…" Spike turned quickly to see River standing in front of him, "There you are. I need to talk to you, _pet_."

River frowned, "I'm not a dog. I'm a human being and I do not wish to be called a '_pet_'. River is satisfactory."

"Right…" Spike raised an eyebrow, "What's this I hear about you readin' minds and what not?"

"I don't _read_ minds… I just hear what you're thinking," River replied casually, "Like right now, you think I'm crazy. And you think Buffy's shirt looks better on the floor. You're a very bad man, William."

"Yeah… wait! How do you… oh, right… never mind," he dug out his pack of cigarettes, then pulled one out and placed it between his lips before removing his Zippo from his duster pocket.

"Now that's what you call ironic," River tilted her head to one side, examining the lighter in his hand, "You really shouldn't play with fire."

"Why's that, little one?" Spike lit the fag then took a long drag, "See the future, too?"

"Not really, but yours is so easy to read," she replied, "Never get back to the Mother Country, do you? Nope, finally get scorched a new one. At least Captain Forehead has nothing to do with it this time."

"I like you," he took another drag and exhaled leisurely, "Remind me of my Dru."

"Drusilla," River delved deeper into his painful memories, "_She_ was insane. It's all her fault that this is happening, so don't blame Buffy."

"Why would I blame Buffy?"

"You're blaming her right now! The words are running through your mind right this second! _'It's all Buffy's fault… damn that Slayer'_, your thoughts exactly," River stated matter-of-factly, "You're asking yourself why you didn't kill her the moment you laid eyes on her. _Should have just snapped her bloody neck_… but you couldn't, because she couldn't conjugate French. _'__Je__ stink'_."

"Elle es une stupide vache… et une louve… et une tyraunee… et… elle es tres belle," he admitted broken-heartedly… _French, the language of love my __arse__…_

"I heard that."

"Right, shall I just narrate my thoughts… save time?" Spike offered as he dropped the remains of his death stick on the ground and stomped out the embers, "If you weren't insane…"

"I'm _not_ insane… the government cut on my _gorram_ brain!" River yelled, "They took my emygdella(?)."

"Right… if you weren't insane," he repeated.

"Hey, you're Rose, right?" Simon cautiously entered the Tardis and looked around.

"Yes, I'm Rose," the blonde looked up and smiled, "You're the doctor, right? Simon?"

"Mm-hm," he nodded, looking up at the broad ceiling, "Why is it so much bigger on the inside?"

"I don't know," she shrugged, "I've asked the Doctor a million times, says it has something to do with a conduit or something."

"A what?" Simon looked perplexed, "I really don't know anything about machinery."

"Me neither!" Rose laughed at the way she seemed to talk like she knew everything, yet didn't really understand the predicament anymore than the rest, "Traveling with the Doctor makes you feel like you know everything and nothing at the same time."

"I used to get that feeling," Simon leaned against a rail, "Back at the hospital, I knew everything, everyone; then day that I left… I walked out the doors and it felt like I knew nothing."

"I know how that feels," she walked toward him and leaned against the bar beside him, "A-levels one week, traipsing off to meet Charles Dickens the next. But at least I have my passport."

"Charles Dickens? As in _the_ Charles Dickens?" Simon looked stunned, "I know you're from the past, but he was… _way_ in the past."

"It's a long story."

"Well… we've got nothing but time," Simon smiled at her and raised his eyebrows.

"Okay."

Spike climbed down the ladder into the bunk that Buffy was waiting in. It was late and after his talk with River, he was exhausted. He'd forgotten how stressful it was to have someone constantly reading and repeating your emotions and thoughts. _Bloody aggravating it is_, Spike said to himself as he glanced at the bed. Buffy had waited the entire time for him to return to her. Spike took of his duster and smiled, "Can't sleep?"

Buffy shook her head, "No, I'm scared, Spike."

"Of what, _luv_?" Spike frowned. He threw his coat over a bar and made his way to the bed, which was occupied by the Slayer.

"I don't know if we're going to get back home or not." Her voice was soft, just above a whisper. He sat on the edge of the mattress, placing his hand on top of hers.

"I'm sure the Doc and his bird will get us up and runnin' in no time. Well, it may take a while, but it'll happen…eventually." He smiled, trying to comfort her the best he possibly could.

Buffy scoffed, "Eventually."

Spike narrowed his eyes, "Doubting me, are you?"

"No…yes. I am doubting you immensely."

"Immensely? Where'd you hear that?" Spike stroked her hand.

Buffy looked at the floor, "That Simon guy was talking about him and Kaylee." She pulled her hand away, "He loves her, you know."

"He does?"

Buffy nodded, "Yep, and she doesn't know because she's too busy with that Captain Jack or whatever."

Spike jumped back, "What?! You're kidding me! Do you know what is going to happen to Kaylee?" Buffy shook her head, "He's got a heavy libido." Spike raised his eyebrows to stress his point.

"Oh. That can't be good."

" No, it's really not." Spike sighed, "I'm beat, River was a handful."

Buffy folded her hands in her lap, "Me, too."

Jack broke the kiss, "One more time, are you sure?"

Kaylee nodded silently, awaiting the return of Jack's soft, talented lips. As he lowered his face to hers, he noticed something in her eyes. And undeniable need to have the time of her life.

"_Goin on a year now, I haven't had nothin' twixt my nethers weren't run on batteries." Simon finally broke that streak… going on six months I haven't had nothing twixt my nethers… period. _Kaylee's mind began to wander as she felt Jack work his tongue throughout her inner mouth with vim and vigor. _Why doesn't this feel wrong? He's probably got a line of girlfriends awaiting his triumphant return in the 51__st__ century… "Out here in the black it's just me. At least I rate higher than Bessie there."_

"Kaylee…" he pulled away again, uncertainty flooding his perfect eyes. She pressed a finger to his lips.

"Shh, don't talk," she whispered while she held her other hand around the back of his neck, "Just… do your magic, Cap'n."

Buffy's head was rested on Spike's now damp black t-shirt, "Spike?"

Spike opened his eyes, "Yeah, _luv_?" Buffy sat up slowly, using his chest for balance.

"How do you know Jack and what were you talking about when you mentioned, 'That time in Cardiff'?" Buffy expected some short answer of, _'It was a long time ago and I don't want to talk about it.' _Instead, Spike took a deep breath and bit his lip nervously.

"Listen, I…was deviant in more ways than you know. Jack and I well, you see, we…erm, there was one time around WWII when we, well, were 'together'." Spike closed his eyes when he saw the look on her face.

It was very confused, "What?" she asked.

Spike looked at her again, "We, you know, were partners."

"In evil? Jack never struck me as the evil kind." Buffy was so naïve sometimes.

"No. _Luv_, I mean, '_partners_'."

Buffy nodded, "Okay, it's not a problem if you two were poker buddies. I'm not going to slay him for gambling." She laughed. Spike didn't crack a smile.

Instead, he growled, "Buffy, you daft bint, we had sex." Her eyes widened.

"Oh! That's what you meant by 'partners'?" she stopped, lowering her head again, before snapping back up, "You've slept with guys?!"

Spike grinned, "Plenty by now. You're pookie bear was my first. Jack came in second…and that wasn't a clever climax joke." He touched her shoulder, "Are you alright?"

Buffy busted out laughing, "You and…oh! That's hilarious!" her laughter subsided, "Wait, you're bisexual?"

Spike shook his head, "Nope, I'm a one Slayer man." The reality of the words hit him hard. That was just it; he wasn't a man at all. He may look like a human on the outside, but the inside was destined for hell. Eternally damned for eternity, "Or, well, vampire."

Buffy frowned, "Spike, you're worried about being human when you've slept with my ex-boyfriend?"

A/N: Funny right? Leave me a review. Do you like the story, love the story, loathe the story? Tell me!!


	8. Kokomo

Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Kokomo 

(AN: this scene was somehow inspired by the only major Beach Boys hit that is a total sexual innuendo in my books, Kokomo, as recorded on the Beach Boys greatest hits cd: 20 Good Vibrations… which is _not_ an innuendo… wait…)

"Well, that was shiny, Cap'n," Kaylee sighed, her eyes half closed, face glowing.

"Yeah, I thought so myself," Jack replied, putting his arm around her shoulders and pulling her onto his chest, "So, are we in Kokomo yet?"

"Who said anything about Kokomo… this is a space ship," Kaylee giggled as Jack ran a hand down her arm, "Wait… what _is_ Kokomo?"

"Always with the questions," he continued to tickle her side, causing her to roll off the bed and hit the ground with a thump, "Oh, scheiss…"

Kaylee got up from the floor slowly and looked at Jack, "What does that mean anyways?" she climbed back into bed beside him.

"It's German, picked it up during the Blitz, not that I was on their side or anything…" he pulled the blankets around them, because apparently they hadn't generated enough body heat to warm them up to a comfortable room temperature.

Simon stumbled down the ladder, terror filling his eyes from when he heard the horrendous ruckus of Kaylee falling off the bed, "Kaylee are you okay?" he obviously didn't notice just whose arms were wrapped around her.

"I'm fine… really… aren't I, Jack?" she looked over her shoulder at the content captain as she readjusted the blanket to cover the rest of her chest.

"Yep, just tickled her right out of bed, that's what I did," he said then began the tickling all over again.

"Jack! Stop it!" Kaylee yelled, gasping for breath, she tried hard not to let the blanket fall.

"You did _what_ to my girlfriend?" Simon glowered at the man behind his girl, "Wait… why the hell are you even in here?"

"She needed some comforting," Jack replied casually, stopping the tickle-fest.

"_Comforting_?" Simon asked skeptically, his eyes trailed from Jack's _supposedly_ innocent eyes, "So that accounts for the nudity then, hmm, Kaylee?"

"Well, it was cold, and _you_ were off flirting with what's-her-face," Kaylee stated blatantly, referring to Rose in the cargo bay.

"You call _that_ flirting? Here you are sleeping with some guy, and you're upset about _me_ complimenting a blonde in tight pants?" Simon's eyes met Kaylee's in the ultimate battle of the sexes. _Yep, she's going to win this one…_

"Can I say something?" Jack raised his hand slightly, "Um… as far as I'm concerned, there was no _sleeping_ involved. I don't remember closing my eyes… well, maybe once, but that was duri…"

"Shut-up! You're not making it any better, Jack!" Kaylee craned her neck and mouthed the word 'please'.

"You're telling me," Simon interjected, drawing an exasperated breath and rolling his eyes.

"I think it'd be best if I just left…" Jack got up from behind Kaylee, exposing himself completely.

Simon turned away, "Could you wait until I'm through?"

"Why? Is there anything left to discuss?" Jack asked then took a seat on the edge of the bed, not bothering to cover himself. _Doc's a big boy, he's a doctor too, he should be used to it…_

Kaylee shook her head and answered before Simon could, "Nope."

"Okay then," Jack stood back up and climbed up the ladder, without so much as a backwards glance at his trousers, which were halfway under Kaylee's bed, as was his shirt.

"Kaylee…" Simon looked at her pleadingly, "I know I haven't exactly been around… for you, I mean. But, he's from another planet!"

"No he's not," Kaylee rolled off the bed and began getting dressed, "He's from Earth."

"There's no way that he's from Earth, Kaylee," Simon said, turning away to give his 'girlfriend' her privacy, "Have you even seen this guy?"

"I think the part where he was in my bunk pretty much covered that aspect," Kaylee shot back, pulling on a green jumper then zipped it up.

"Please, Kaylee, I'm being serious," Simon finally turned to face her again, "What do you see in him?"

"Other than an excellent backside?" Kaylee asked, a smile tickling the corners of her mouth, "I dunno, he's smart, funny, cute, beautiful, wonderful, and he does this thing with his tongue…"

"That's it, we're done," Simon stated resolutely, "We are D-O-N-E, done. Over, through, finished, dead in the water, reached the end of our time, separated, 'finis', at odds, take your pick. I've got more."

"Well, I thought we were never _together_ in the first place," Kaylee walked past him and began to climb up the ladder, "So really, no complaints here."

"Fine," Simon crossed his arms determinedly.

"Fine."

"Well…fine!"

"Shut up," Kaylee reached the top rung and stepped into the corridor, then ran down to the cargo bay.

"Where are we, V?" Mal strode onto the bridge and took the co-pilot seat.

" Getting ready to break atmo, sir," Vera replied as she flipped a few switches above her head and pressed a yellow button then returned to the controls.

"Good, I'll go alert the troops," he stood up and walked out, only to be confronted by a very naked captain Jack Harkness, "Excuse me, what in the (insert appropriate Chinese here) are you thinking walking around my ship like that?"

"Um, I know how this looks, but I can explain _everything_," Jack raised his eyebrows and held his hands to his chest defensively.

"You slept with her, didn't you?"

"Slept with who?" asked Jack with a blank expression across his beautiful face.

"My mechanic, that's who," Mal folded his arms and shifted his weight.

"Oh, well, I wouldn't call it 'sleeping' together, because we didn't," Jack mirrored Mal, sizing him up mentally, "I know for a fact that I was awake the _entire_ time."

"Oh… really… well, if my ship wrecks because little Kaylee's too busy mooning about," Mal said threateningly, "You wrecked her."

"I'll keep that in mind," Jack turned to walk away.

"I'm not finished yet," Mal bristled, "there's also the issue of you walking around naked on my _gorram_ ship. I'm the only one that gets to do that, thank you very much."

"Yes sir," Jack saluted Mal emphatically and then walked away.

"That kid is going to be a major pain in the _pigu_," Mal muttered to himself as he climbed down into his bunk.


	9. The Rescuers Down Under

Disclaimer: Joss and Russell own it all!

Warning! Rape implied.

CHAPTER 10

"Inara, good to see you," Vera opened the vid-link coming in from the companion's shuttle.

"You too, Vera," Inara replied. She was wearing a flowing burgundy dress and a soft orange shawl about her shoulders.

"How long do you need?" Vera asked, examining the sensual light that bathed the shuttle background.

"I've only got one more, so give me… two hours," she said with a smile, "I can't wait to get back."

"Can't wait to see you. Give us a buzz when you're ready."

"See you soon!" Inara pressed a button above the monitor and returned to her space.

There was a knock at the door. Inara stood up and went to open the portal.

"Ms. Serra," the gentleman took her hand and kissed the back of it.

"Atherton, what are you doing here?" Inara pulled away from the well dressed man, "You've been blacklisted. How did you know I was here?"

"Leave no stone unturned, _bao-bei_," he smiled and stepped in, "Not much has changed, same bed, same pillows, same sheets even, I'm surprised."

"Yes, and you are the same (insert appropriate Chinese here) that you were at the ball," Inara turned away from him with her arms crossed, "The captain and I have grown very close thanks to you."

"Was that a 'thank-you' that I heard come from you?" he touched her shoulder, causing the loose wrap to slip further down, revealing even more of her perfect skin.

"No, I'm not thanking you," Inara readjusted the stole to cover her shoulders again, brushing Atherton's hand aside. She walked to her chair b the monitor and sat down.

"Inara, you're forgetting something… you're here for the soul purpose of pleasing your clients," he grinned cruelly, "and _I'm_ that client, so start the pleasing." He pulled out a small hand gun and held out in front of him.

Inara slowly spun about to face him fully; in the process she brushed her fingers over a small button on the underside of her console. "Where shall we start, Ath?"

"Mal! I'm getting a distress call from Inara's shuttle!" Vera called into the com-unit.

Mal was on the bridge in a flash, leaning over the console before him and Vera, "Wait… this distress wouldn't happen to be in anybodies pants, would it?" he looked at Vera skeptically.

"No, you're the only one that would pull that kind of stunt, this is serious," Vera glared at the sarcastic sergeant.

"Well, I'll go alert the troops."

"Yeah, how did that go last time?" Vera turned away from the captain and pressed the com button again. "Attention all crew, we're going to be meeting up with the Ambassador a mite bit early. If your hear anything outside the ship when we land, just push Jayne out first."

"Good one," Mal patted Vera on the shoulder and walked into the bunk corridor where Jayne was stomping toward him.

"I don't wanna go first!" he crossed his arms and glared at Mal.

"Don't tell me about it, I don't care," Mal pushed past him and went into his bunk.

"Let's start with a little lesson in respect, shall we, _whore_?" Atherton motioned for her to get up and come to him, "Now, down on your knees."

Inara obeyed, fearing that if she didn't there'd be naught but a corpse awaiting her beloved captain and crew. She knelt down dejectedly and hung her head.

"Inara, look at me, this is for your own good," Atherton brushed her cheek with his free hand, and lifted her face so that he could look into her eyes. They were filled with fear, guilt, and most of all, anguish.

She closed her eyes for a moment and shuddered, reviling the lewd act that she was being forced into. As her eyes opened, all previous emotions had disappeared, only to be replaced with contempt and terror. "Atherton, please, anything but this. If you're going to shoot me then just shoot me. Rape, besmirch, defile me in any way other than this… please."

A tear slid down her soft cheek and was brushed away by Atherton's thumb gently, "I'm not going to do any of those things, not to you, not yet at least. I'm going to wait until that captain of yours is sitting right there," he motioned to the bed, "unable to move, because he's been fatally wounded, and he _will _watch as I commit all of the above, then leave you both here, dying in each other's arms."

"V, how much longer?" Mal's voice was urgent and strained. He had returned from his bunk after tucking away all potential emotions.

"We'll be there in two minutes," Vera replied, her eyes were intent on the console before her.

Mal began getting very twitchy and fidgety, which annoyed Vera to no end. "Stop it! If you're going to be in here, be still. If not, then get out… _please_."

"I'll stop, it's just… I'm so _gorram_ worried about her," he rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet, "So…how much longer?"

Vera craned her neck and glared at him, "We'll get there when we get there. Believe me, you'll be the first to know."

"There's her shuttle!" Mal leaned forward to see further out the window then pointed to the small shuttle parked in a small clearing in the middle of a densely wooded area, "Can you land there?"

"She sure like seclusion, doesn't she," Vera exhaled loudly, "I can't land, there isn't anywhere to land."

"Then how are we going to get there?"

Atherton shifted his weight slightly as he stared into the pained eyes of his twice upon a time companion. _Can I really do this to her?_ He asked himself as he saw the grief on her face. _Nope_, _but I can sure as hell try_. "No hands."

Inara's face went from painfully distraught to unbearably hopeless. _I'm left with my teeth_, she thought, remembering back to the first time that Atherton had called on her, _always one for the out of the ordinary… that (insert Chinese here)_. She leaned forward, perfectly white teeth bared slightly. _No hands, no hands, no hands… why no hands? What is his deal with no hands? _She bit down on his zipper pull lightly and tugged it down, then leaned back as he undid his own belt. As the pants slid from his pasty legs, she grimaced at the thought of what she was about to put in her mouth.

"We could send someone in the other shuttle," Vera suggested after setting down just outside the forestation, "You, Zoë, and Jayne, then I'll keep her running for a quick getaway."

"It'll work," Mal sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. He turned about the bridge, then his eyes settled on a blinking mauve button. He walked over and pressed it. The monitor screen crackled to life with an image of the inside of Inara's shuttle. He then stepped out to find Jayne and Zoë.

Vera sat forward in her chair watching the events unfold inside the lavish shuttle, "Oh my god…" she put a hand over her mouth as Inara shuddered and leaned in toward the man in front of her and began her least favourite activity. Vera turned away when she couldn't bear to watch anymore. _Why in god's name does Mal have a live-feed from the shuttle?_ She thought while trying to ignore the horrific picture laid out before her.

Inara tried to pull away from Atherton, but found that the gentle hand that had been resting on her cheek could in fact tighten just under her jaw, restricting any and all movement. Tears were streaming down her face as she continued to caress his less than pleasing piece with her unwilling tongue and lips. _This is the end... I just know it. He already said that Mal and I were going to die. At least we'll have each other…_

Atherton tilted his head back and loosened his grip on Inara's jaw bit by bit. He let out a groan then stepped back, finally allowing Inara to release him. "You're fit for your trade, I'll give you that," he admitted while zipping up his pants, "You've got a little something, right there," he gestured to his bottom lip with his forefinger.

Inara rubbed at the spot on her face with the back of her hand and then wiped that on her shawl. "You're despicable," she growled as she stood up in front of the (insert Chinese here).

"I'm not done with you yet," he put a hand roughly on her shoulder and forced her back down on her knees, "That was just the pre-game, the foreplay, my little pep-talk. It's not even half-time yet, _whore_."

"So, where're we goin'?" Jayne asked as they took off in the small shuttle.

"To Inara," replied Mal through gritted teeth.

"Why?"

"Because she needs us."

"But…" Jayne began to speak again; Zoë turned and glared at him.

"If you ask one more question, I'm going to use your head to break the door down," she stated dead seriously.

"Why'd we stop?" Jack walked casually into the infirmary where Simon was measuring out a syringe full of a viscous orange substance.

"We're at Sihnon," he said, not bothering to look at the naked intruder.

"Inara's in trouble," River peeked around Simon's shoulder, "Mal, Zoë, and Jayne are going to go rescue her."

"Not that you care," Simon gave River the injection, "Unless you're planning on sleeping with her too. Of course, you'd have to pay. Business is business no matter how much of a pretty boy you are."

"You think I'm pretty?" Jack leaned up against a set of cabinets and put a hand to his bare chest, "I'm flattered."

Simon couldn't think of anything to say in reply to the suggestion that he thought of another man as _pretty_.

"Alright, let's go do this," Mal straightened his brown coat and put a hand out to knock on the door of the shuttle. He stopped when he heard raised voices.

"He's not coming for your sorry soul, Inara!" Atherton shouted at Inara, who was lying on the ground clutching her cheek, which had just been slapped by the man in front of her.

"H-he is… he p-promis-sed!" she cried; the tears were streaming down her cheeks like there was no end.

"There's something that you need to learn about men," Atherton paced before her, looking down at the grieving woman with no pity, "We very rarely keep promises."

"Not all men," Mal strode into the shuttle, "I prefer to honor the promises I've made, on pain of death."

Atherton whipped around and shot the first thing that he laid eyes on: the captain. Mal stumbled back clutching his wounded abdomen. He spit out a mouthful of blood before falling onto the bed.

"Pain of death? I hate to say 'I told you so', _bao-bei_," Atherton smirked smugly at Inara, who had jumped off the floor and was now seated on the bed beside Mal running her fingers through his mussed brown hair, "But its just so fitting." He sauntered over to the pair and put a firm hand on Inara's shoulder. "Now, about the raping, besmirching, and defiling… all according to plan…"

"Funny thing about plans," Zoë side-stepped into the shuttle with her pistol cocked and ready, "They tend to change a lot when you're with the captain." She fired, hitting Atherton in the knee cap.

He fell to the floor clutching his injured appendage. Zoë walked over to him and put a booted foot on his cheek. "Shall I shoot him now, sir?" Zoë looked up at the semi-cognizant captain.

"Don't," Inara stood up, "I'll do it."

She took Zoë's pistol gingerly and aimed it at Atherton's forehead. "Is this pleasing enough?"


	10. Spliver

Chapter 11: Spliver

"Get him in there carefully," Simon directed Jayne and Zoë as they carried Mal into the infirmary.

"Is he gonna be okay?" Kaylee was in Jack's arms, "He's still not movin'."

"I'm sure Simon will have him fixed up in no time," Jack gave Kaylee an encouraging smile and hugged her closer, "You'll see."

She cringed and hid her face in Jack's chest when Simon cut away Mal's blood soaked shirt. Spike stood by, looking longingly at all the blood that had gotten everywhere. _It's all just going to waste… I'm going to starve out here with all this stress and nothing to eat. Going on four sodding days without so much as a drop._ He turned away from the injured man and his attendant to face the sheet white Buffy. The gore certainly had an affect on her more than anyone else. She looked about ready to vomit. _So she can dust a bloodsucking fiend, destroy hope, engulf everyone around her in pain, slaughter demons without so much as a backward glance, but she can't look at a bloody bullet wound…_ he shook his head and left the crowded scene.

The Doctor groaned and tossed the hammer to the side, "Rose, call someone in here, someone with a buggering clue on what could be going wrong!" Rose was startled by the loud bang of the tool.

"Alright," She spun on her heel, "Be back in a jiff."

Rose frowned when she saw the scene unfolding in the cargo bay.

"Get him in there carefully," The young doctor ordered from the back. Blood was streaked on some of the boxes nearest to the door. Rose covered her mouth and saw Spike walking towards her in an angry trance.

"What happened?" She asked. Spike stopped to answer but decided to pull her back into the Tardis, "Hey!"

His nostrils flared, "Just stay in here. They have their hands full with their bloody…bloody captain?" Spike's eyes went to the ceiling of the time vessel and a look of confusion covered his features, "Just stay."

Rose jerked her arm out of his grasp. "Excuse me? I have every right to be out there." She took a step back.

"Captain got shot." Spike stated dryly.

"Jack was shot?" The Doctor lifted his head and peered from behind the console.

"No, mate, _their_ captain. He went to play hero and got nabbed in the crossfire." Rose put a hand to her mouth to stifle a giggle at the irony of the statement.

The Doctor nodded and tried to look busy, "That's nice."

Rose turned back, "Doctor! Don't say that!" she yelled. Spike smiled, clearly amused by her fondness of Jack, "What if it's Jack next time?"

The Doctor crossed his fingers and held up a hand, "We can only hope."

"That's not very nice, mate," Spike restrained a laugh.

"Well, shouldn't someone go see if he's okay?" Rose still looked worried, "Just in case?"

"Rose, this is there home, we're just intruders here," the Doctor returned to the console, "If they need help then they'll come to us."

"Somebody go get that Doctor!" Simon was urgent; the heart monitor was reading a solemn flat line.

Jack stepped away from Kaylee, giving her a final fleeting glance before tearing off in the direction of the cargo bay.

"Doctor!" he bellowed, his voice reverberated throughout the ship, "Doctor, we need you!"

The Doctor heard his name coming from outside the Tardis, "See, what'd I tell you. If they need help, they'll come to us."

"Doctor, we _need_ a doctor!" Jack swung in on one arm and then was gone before the Doctor could look up.

"Come on, come on!" Simon grabbed the defibrillators and prepped them, "Clear!" Mal's chest jolted upward from the shock. "Clear! Come on, Mal… clear!"

A faint blip appeared on the heart monitor.

Zoë, who was standing right beside the frantic Simon, let out a sigh, she put a hand on the young doctor's arm, "Simon, he's tacky."

"But his heart's beating," Simon thought back to Ariel momentarily as he watched the irregular beat on the screen.

"I'm here!" the Doctor emerged out of nowhere, "What's the problem."

"He's all over the place," Simon handed him the stethoscope, which the Doctor waved away.

"I've got my own," he pulled out his sonic screwdriver and pushed a button, "Gunshot wound in the stomach… not good… he's bleeding internally… not good… straight through the liver, have you got a spare?"

"A spare?" Simon scoffed, "What, do you think we're just rolling in livers here? We hardly have enough for the crew, let alone a spare!"

"It's like a bloody spare tire, you always keep one on hand!" The Doctor pushed another button on his sonic screwdriver, "Bloody typical… haven't you people figured out how to genetically engineer the damn things?"

"Excuse me?" Simon looked befuddled and bemused.

"Never mind," the Doctor rolled his eyes, "I'll get it fixed… just get me a saw or something to open him up."

"Good luck," Simon retrieved his laser saw and handed it to the Time Lord.

"Luck…" the Doctor laughed a bit, then focused on the task at hand, _great, fixing him up, I am… just fantastic… oh well… at least everybody lives…_

Kaylee was once again wrapped up in Jack's arms, with her face set against his chest. Rose had joined them, and had her hand over her mouth as she watched the Doctor begin the incision. She gasped when she saw the first blood spatter. Simon walked slowly out of the infirmary to join the rest of the onlookers. He saw the mortified Rose and offered her his condolences, which she accepted with a close hug.

Buffy couldn't take it anymore, so she decided to head off in search of Spike.

Buffy looked into the Tardis and frowned, "Spike?" She bit her bottom lip and sniffed as she entered the time machine, "What are you doing in here all alone?"

"Thinking." He answered blankly. Buffy walked beside him and sat on the console, "Don't think you should go near that." He smirked.

Buffy rolled her eyes, "Like I could screw anything else up on this wonderful adventure," she muttered. Spike chuckled and moved closer to her.

"Doubt it."

"Yeah, I guess…everything's my fault, huh?" Buffy stared at him bleary eyed.

"No," he insisted, "Nothing is your fault. Don't think that."

"Yes it is," Buffy shook her head, "I shouldn't have come… this place is just… so _strange_. They talk randomly in… whatever futuristic language it is…"

"Chinese," Spike informed her, "they curse in twenty-first century Chinese."

"Exactly, strange!" she wiped the tears from the corner of her eye, "Of course, we're probably even stranger to them." She laughed at the absurdity of her comment, "You're a vampire, I'm supposed to kill dead demonic stuff… like you… um, we got here in a time machine with a nine hundred year old man, a nineteen year old girl, and an American from the fifty-first century… oh, and to top it all off, not one of us speaks Chinese."

"Says who?" Spike looked at her brazenly, "Jack knows a bit of everything, the Doctor's been around, I'm sure he knows at least a little… I doubt Rose knows any… course neither do I, but… context clues, _luv_."

"Maybe I'm just the odd one out," Buffy sighed and looked down at her feet.

"More like the only normal one," he smiled and put his arm around her shoulders comfortingly.

"R_ight_! The vampire Slayer with a fetish for boinking the undead. Nothing odd about that, Spike." She sniffed, slightly slumping her shoulders.

Spike pointed a finger at her, "I knew it! Vampires get you hot," She glared at him and he quickly put his hand down, trying not to piss her off, "Sorry…while we're alone…I think I need to talk to you about what was said a while ago, pet."

Her gut flopped, "Oh, that. I-," Spike stepped away from her and held up his hand.

"You don't have to say anything, just leavin' it is fine. It was the heat of the moment and you didn't mean it. I understand," He looked at his feet and laughed, "It'd be impossible to do that after everything that's happened."

Touching his arm, Buffy shook her head, "I don't want to leave it, Spike," Stunned, Spike looked at her, "I meant every word."

"But, you…" Her lips crushed against his, sending him for a loop. It took several seconds for him to realize that she was voluntarily kissing him, really meaning it. He parted his lips, giving her access to the wet confines of his mouth. Their tongues dueled for dominance of the kiss, but neither got the lead. Spike submitted to her strength, allowing Buffy to push him backwards, leading him to the console of the Tardis. His back hit the metal hard, making him weak at the kness while she fiddled with this belt buckle. He felt her petite hand working at the fastenings and moaned in the back of his throat. Buffy broke the kiss and dropped to her knees, working her hardest to get him out of his pants and into hers.

Spike leaned back against the Tardis, letting her take the lead. Of course that was the only thing he'd ever done. Let her take the lead, directing him in how to pleasure her. Buffy took the belt's tongue and pulled it out of the metal buckle, finally getting the bar out of the leather and pulling it off of his waist in a suave tug. Her thumb and pointer finger unbuttoned his pants leaving the zipper standing in her way. Imitating a scene from a movie, Buffy knelt down and took the small metal tab into her oral cavity and pulled it down. Each pop made her look forward to his touch further.

She stood up after the zipper reached the bottom and smiled, "Spike…" He grabbed her by the back of her neck, pulling her into another kiss.

"Don't say anything, Buffy," She wasn't quite sure on how to take the order, but it wasn't going to stop her.

"I…mph..you," Her words weren't audible between the passionate kisses. _I'll tell him later_, Buffy felt his tongue swipe across her bottom lip and into her mouth, tracing the roof of her orifice. He needed her. Now.

Buffy reached into the opening of his jeans and stroked him softly, pulling away from the kiss enough to watch his face. The pure emotion running over his features was driving her insane, _How could he feel this way about me after what had happened this winter?,_ the thought stayed in her head.

Spike reached up to caress her breast, stroking his thumb over her already hardened nipple, making her lean in closer to him. Her body pressed against his intimately, limiting her hand's movement. Her fingers wrapped around the base of his hardening shaft and stroked upwards, causing Spike to make an unmanly whimper. She didn't blame him; the woman who'd previously broken his heart was now jerking him off in a time machine, ergo girly noises. The movements of her hand became more forceful. She squeezed him at the head, her thumb rolling over the tip, feeling the pre-cum slide across her finger. Spike flipped them around, pinning her against the console, her hand still busy at work with the other one fisted in his duster. He kissed underneath her ear, following the smooth line of her jaw and finding her mouth again.

One of his hands was pressed against the small of her back, encouraging her to lean over the console. She broke the kiss and stopped the ministrations of her hand, "Spike, I don't think the Doctor wants us to, you know, in here. He lives here," Spike bit his cheek, holding back the objection of her stopping. The heat between them was probably giving off steam. Spike felt her hand pull out of his jeans and touch his chest. That was it; Spike pushed his erection against her groin. The warmth coming through the denim from the opposite side was enough to burn him all the way through.

"Alright. We won't," He shifted his jaw and blinked rapidly. Buffy hated the way he made her feel. But at least she felt.

"R-right," She murmured, trying to keep her mind off the bulge impressed upon her khaki clad sex, "We, should g-go check on the, um, c-captain of the ship, S-Spike." He kissed her softly on the cheek.

"Tonight?" He pulled away from her, feeling disappointed by the lack of body contact between them.

She nodded as he rebuttoned his black jeans, "Yes," He picked up his belt and put it on. The evidence of his arousal was still in plain view, making him frown.

"Buggerin' hell. Give me a minute, Buffy," He relaxed his shoulders and tilted his head back. His eyes drifted shut and in an instant he was _calm_.

"Do you have 'Bone-Be-Gone' running through your veins?" She joked.

Spike laughed, "No, just a vivid memory of Harmony's bloody yammering." She smiled.

"I'll make sure to say her name. That can be the safety word." Buffy narrowed her eyes and pressed her lips together.

Spike raised his scarred eyebrow, "We gonna need a safety word, now are we?" Buffy wagged her eyebrows provocatively and took a step towards him. He met her half way and grabbed her by the arms, reeling her in for a long, sensual kiss. The kind you spend all day doing with your lover. She pulled away.

"I'll meet you after dinner or whatever they call it here. Around eight?" He kissed her again, "And don't be late…or I'll start by myself." She straightened the lapels of his coat and scurried out of the Tardis leaving him alone and horny. _Twenty questions with Harm, twenty questions with Harm…_

"There you are, good as new!" the Doctor stepped away from Mal and brushed his hands together, "I daresay I did a fantastic job."

Kaylee looked up with tears in her eyes then pulled away from Jack and rushed into the infirmary to Mal's side. "He's gonna be okay?"

"He's going to be fine," the Doctor looked down at her with stars in his eyes, "Everybody lives."

Rose heard the comment and laughed to herself, thinking back to the day that the Doctor had saved the world from becoming gas-mask zombies. _'Everybody lives, Rose, just this once, everybody lives!'_

Kaylee flung her arms around the Doctor in thanks and then turned to the captain, who was just beginning to wake up, she took his hand firmly and delighted when his hand tightened around hers, "Captain, you're back!"

"Did I go someplace?" he asked groggily, trying to sit up.

"Very nearly," the Doctor checked the heart monitor one last time before flipping it off.

"This all sounds very familiar…" Mal tried to think where he'd heard it before.

"Well, you didn't fix the ship _this_ time," Kaylee continued to clutch his hand and beamed, then looked out the window into the waiting area, "But there's someone who's just dying to see ya!"

Inara entered the room timidly. Her face was tear-stained and she hadn't changed out of her orange and burgundy outfit. "Mal!" she threw her arms about his neck and set her head on his bare shoulder, "I was so worried!"

"Inara?" Mal looked confused, as did the rest of the crew, then something clicked in his mind, "Oh my god… I love you!"

She kissed him once to confirm her returned affection.

Everyone's jaws hit the floor simultaneously. Kaylee quickly released Mal's hand and took a few steps back, then left the room, followed by the Doctor. "We'll just leave them to their privacy," Kaylee whispered as she returned to Jack's side then directed him out of the sitting area.

A/N: Reviwe please! I'm beggin you! For the love of Spuffy, or if you don't go that way, the love of Malnara, even then there are a few weird shippers...Jack and the Doctor!!!


	11. Humped

Disclaimer: Joss and Russell own it all!

Chapter 12: Humped

River peered into Jayne's bunk, _It's going to happen here_, River stepped onto the top rung of the ladder and slowly descended. _He won't know what to do. He'll be so alone afterwards_. Her black combat boots made a loud bang as they hit the floor of Jayne's bunk, startling the two lovers and their frantic love-making, "Make it last."

Jayne tightened his jaw, "Vera, I'm doin' the best I can, baby," He thrust his hips forward.

Vera shook her head, her nails dug into Jayne's tender back, "I…didn't…say…anything…" Her words were forced out of her with every shift of his pelvis.

"Then who…? Shit!" He rolled off Vera at the sight of the doctor's younger sister watching them quizzically, "River, get the (insert Chinese profanity) out of my _gorram_ bunk, damn it!"

"Damn..." Vera rolled off the bed, "And it was going so well too…"

"We don't have to stop," Jayne reasoned with her, "River, get out… Vera… no… don't leave!"

"Jayne, do you hear that?" Vera cocked her head to the side and looked up, there was a klaxon blaring in the hallway above them, "That's… that's the proximity alarm. God… what could it be?"

"A ship?" Jayne guessed, glaring at River, who refused to exit the bunk.

"Bigger… I'm thinking… cruiser," Vera looked perplexed, "I've got to get up there, sorry Jayne, but this has got to wait."

At that she left him and ran toward the bridge, abandoning Jayne to his painful stimulation. "Why… in the gorram… River! What the hell are you still doing in here?"

"I'll go now," she climbed up the ladder, leaving Jayne completely alone.

Mal and Inara were in the infirmary when Buffy walked through the door, "Hey, is everyone okay?"

Inara popped her head up and smiled, "Yeah, We're all fi…wait, who are you?"

Mal groaned, "They're time travelers, Inara. She and that guy-the one with the _teeth- _are from the past, the big ears, blondie, and dark headed tool are from the future… I think."

Inara touched his forehead, "How much of that sedative did Simon give you, Malcolm?" Buffy smiled at how genuinely concerned she was.

"He's not crazy or anything. He's telling the truth," Buffy nodded shyly.

Inara's brows shot up, "Oh," Her hand slipped easily back into Mal's.

"Thank god… I thought that I had imagined it all up in my sleep," Mal exhaled a sigh of relief.

"Nope, we're all real," Buffy assured him with a giggle. _They've got a good thing going_, "As far as I know." She glanced at her watch; _four o' clock, what am I going to do for four hours?_ Buffy pondered about the night's activities and then her mind wandered to what Spike was doing. _I bet he's smoking_ _or maybe he's thinking of me_, she paused the thought and laughed on the inside. When did the Slayer start to think about whether or not Spike was thinking of her?

"You okay, Betty?" Mal asked.

She snapped out of the fantasy bubble she was in and furrowed her brow, "It's Buffy and…yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking," Mal sighed.

"About your funny teeth man?"

Before she could think, "Yeah…I mean, no. Well, obviously, I just wondered what he was up to, what he was thinking about…Not that I care or…Oh…crap," Inara and Mal stared at her during her gibberish rant, only to be left with a strange curiosity about this girl's sanity, or lack there of.

"Okay," Inara nodded politely.

"_Transport ship Serenity is requested to dock with Alliance cruiser, Dortmunder_."

"Any particular reason?" Vera asked. She sat back in the chair and crossed her arms.

"_That's an order, miss._"

"I really should check with my captain first, _sir_."

"_That won't be necessary, see, we've got a warrant for the search of that ship, and your captain's word won't stop us_."

"A warrant?" Vera scoffed, "On what grounds?"

"_For harboring known fugitives, of course._"

She rolled her eyes and glared at the projected image of the purple belly, "How many more times are we going to get dragged in for this bollocks?"

"_If you refuse to come quietly, then I will be forced to send over a team of highly specialized experts to bring in to our custody on our terms._"

"Fine."

"What the hell was that?" Zoë entered the bridge right as Vera was ending the vid-link.

"We're being hailed by an Alliance cruiser," Vera explained as she began to approach the _Dortmunder_.

"What for?" Zoë crossed her arms and rocked back on her heels.

"Harboring known fugitives."

"_Again?_"

"Yep can't seem to get them to drop that one," she spun her chair around to face her as they entered the Alliance's docking bay.

"I'll go tell the captain," Zoë turned on her heel and exited the bridge to alert the troops.

River rolled over on her bed to face Simon and Rose, who were talking about what would happen once the Tardis was fixed.

"Simon, they're coming."

"Captain, we've got an Alliance cruiser bringing us in," Zoë ducked into the infirmary.

Inara stood up from the seat beside the bed, "But… why?"

"Let me guess," Mal adjusted himself on the bed and groaned, "'Harboring known fugitives?"

Zoë nodded, "Yes, sir."

"_Again_," Inara looked up at the first mate, "I thought we had this all cleared up."

"It's been a year, Inara," Mal glanced over at her and faintly smiled, "We all know how good the Alliance's memory is."

"But sir, if they board us… what about the _visitors_?" Zoë asked with her eyebrows slightly raised, "The Doctor should be fine, but what about the rest of them?"

"Who needs what?" Mal sat up further, trying to find a more comfortable position.

"Well, Spike and Jack will need clothes, I can cover Buffy, but I don't know about Rose, Kaylee might be able to help there," Inara filled in for Zoë.

"Alliance'll be all over this place in ten minutes time, we've got to get them ready," Zoë said emphatically, "And what about the big box sitting in the middle of the cargo bay?"

"Throw something over it," Mal tried to shrug, but found himself incapable, "They'll never notice."

"Right, big box with a tarp thrown over it, no one will ever notice," Inara laughed sarcastically.

"It's worth a try," Mal sat bolt up and replied defensively.

"I'll get Jayne to cover the box covering… thing," Zoë turned to leave the infirmary, "And Inara can see to getting everyone dressed."

"Good," Mal smiled and sat back, "I can take care of the boys, just get Betsy and Rose taken care of."

"I'll go do that then," Inara gave him one last smile before leaving his side.

"Jack, would you go figure out why the hell we're sitting ducks?" the Doctor shouted to the captain, who was whispering something in Kaylee's ear as she worked.

He looked up and frowned a bit, "But… what if something important happens?"

"Then it'll be happening up there," the Doctor motioned in the general direction of the bridge.

"Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on him," Kaylee lightly touched his hand and smiled.

"I'll be right back," Jack gave her a wink then fled the premises.

"So I'm supposed to be a _what_, exactly?" Buffy inspected the lavish emerald and turquoise dress that was laid out before her.

"A companion," Inara told her with an assuring smile.

"And a companion is--?"

"Don't worry about that right now, just get changed," Inara turned around and climbed up the ladder out of Jayne's bunk to allow Buffy her privacy.

"Hey, you," Zoë pointed a finger at Jack as he was jogging up the steps to the bridge, "Captain needs to speak to you."

"About what?" Jack stepped back down from the doorstep.

"We've got the Alliance pulling us in, you need to get changed into something more… appropriate."

"He's going to help me get changed?" Jack raised an eyebrow.

"I doubt it," Zoë laughed a bit then walked past him up to the bridge.

"We are… there," Vera spun her chair around and faced Zoë right after setting _Serenity_ down in the hangar of the _Dortmunder_.

"Great, I hope this all works as well as captain planned," Zoë thought back to the captain sitting in the infirmary, "Of course… thinking of his previous plans…"

"I'm sure it'll go great."

"Let's hope so."


	12. An Allied Inquisition

Disclamer: Joss and Russell own it all!

Chapter 13: An Allied Inquisition

"_Fall in!_"

"Places, people," Mal was propped up against the Tardis, which was underneath a dust coloured tarpaulin, "Try to look like you… fit in."

Spike looked up from the cuffs of his borrowed shirt. _I loathe sleeves_. Buffy put a hand on his tensed forearm, "Spike, chill," she whispered.

"How do I look? Okay?" his eyes looked terrified, "Dreadful? Say something!"

"You look great… what about me," she looked down at her own outfit then turned in a circle, "Do you think it's a bit… revealing?"

"No… I think it could stand to be a little more revealing," he glanced up at her and gave her a very sexy smirk.

"Later," she stepped away from the enticing vampire, "If we did _that_ now… well… I don't know… Inara said that you'd have to give me something in return." She looked quizzical.

"Right."

"_Open your airlocks immediately._"

Mal pressed the airlock button, allowing the purple bellied armed forces to flood his ship. "Make yourselves at home," he stated sarcastically as the commanding officer approached him.

"Captain… Reynolds, is it?" the fed held out a hand.

Mal ignored the gesture and crossed his arms, "Yes. What are you doing on my gorram ship?"

An Alliance commissioned warrant was shoved under Mal's nose, "Ring any bells?"

"Yeah… one, we were pardoned after your little operative tracked us across half the damn 'verse," Mal glowered at the purple belly in front of him, "Killed my pilot, had to rebuild my crew thanks to you."

"Yes, I thought they looked a bit different," the officer walked throughout the cargo bay, he stopped in front of Buffy and Inara, "Two companions… I was surprised that you even had one, but two?"

"Business is good," Mal strode over to his side, "Do you want one?"

Buffy's eyes grew wide when she heard Mal's words. Inara put a hand on her shoulder to keep her silent. "She's in training," Inara told the officer before he could reply to Mal.

"Right… well, I'll just give the general a call, get this all cleared up," the official touched his earpiece and began to speak to whomever was in the control room of the _Dortmunder_, "Okay, you've got base clearance, but we still need to speak to you and your latest crew members, if you'll just follow me."

"So, how did you and the captain meet?"

Spike cocked an eyebrow and bit his lip, "Long story that. Not sure you want to write it all out on that little clipboard of yours."

"Oh, I think I do."

"Whatever you say, mate," he reclined in the uncomfortable chair and crossed his arms, "Lovely little bar down in… London… um."

"Londinum? Well that makes enough sense," the inquirer took down a few notes, "You talk like a Londoner."

"Well, that's who I am," Spike continued to glare at the purple bellied oppressor, "God Save the Queen." He laughed at his reference to the Brit band.

"Anything else you want to tell me?"

"Actually, I didn't _want_ to tell you anything, but being you got me talking I might as well go right ahead and tell you how much I dislike this place," Spike leaned forward and set a hand on the table, "Your bloody florescent lights make me look dead."

"It says here that you took the place of the fallen pilot?"

The blonde simply folded her arms across her ample chest and sneered.

"I'll take that as a yes."

"You might as well," Vera exhaled heavily, causing a strand of fallen hair to fly up then settle back on her cheek, "Not getting the real story out of me."

"Interesting."

"What is?" she raised an eyebrow.

"Your devotion to your captain."

"Look, poncy, my devotion isn't to the captain alone," she sat forward, slamming a fist down on the table.

"No, its not, is it? You lean toward Mr. Cobb, am I correct?"

"Do you really want to walk out of here alive?"

"Captain Reynolds, long time no see."

"It'd be a bit nicer if it was all time, no see," Mal gripped the arm rests of his chair, "Just trying to live my life."

"Yes, you've been under our radar for the past year, started to miss you."

"If I had a platinum…"

"You wouldn't need that _shug-maon-yow_ boat of yours."

"Hey, you watch what you call _Serenity_, she may be named after something you didn't like too well," Mal released the chair and set his forearms on the table, "Still, respect for the dead."

"Your name is…?"

"Buffy Summers," she replied hesitantly, fiddling with the trailing ribbons on her dress.

"Are you a registered companion?"

"Not yet. I'm still in training. I'm taking lessons from Inara," she began to gain some confidence, which was quickly shattered by the fed's cold manner.

"Is that how you met the captain?"

"How?" she lost all train of thought, "Oh… you mean with Inara… right… uh, yeah."

"And you just decided to follow your mentor to the edge of the civilized 'verse?"

"No where else to go. Inara's like a… sister or something," Buffy pepped up little by little.

"How much experience do you have? In your trade I mean."

"Uh… a little… I don't like, have my diploma or anything," she was trying to sound like she knew what she was portraying, which of course she didn't.

"And you're already in business. Boys out in the black really must be getting desperate."

"_Captain_ Jack Harkness?"

"Yes," Jack flashed the official a shining smile, "And you are?"

"None of your business. How long have you known Mr. Reynolds?"

"I met him… a week ago," Jack pretended to reminisce, "Best day of my life."

"Do you mind elaborating?"

"No, not at all," he reclined comfortably, "We met on a little rock just off Dantooine. His speeder was having engine troubles. He got a little roughed up when it crashed, I took him back to my ship and fixed him up nice."

"Your ship? And where is it now?"

"Um… ewoks, they stripped it of the valuables… nothing left but the hull," Jack was amazingly convincing even when he was lying through his teeth, "Sold that off for scrap and joined the captain."

"Ewoks?"

"Yep, ewoks. They may be all fuzzy and cute on the outside, but you look past that little brown hood and they'll knock you into next Tuesday faster than you can say, 'get off my ship, little guy'," Jack grinned and took a sip of the glass of water before him, "Is this _Ozarka_?"

"The Doctor?"

"Yep."

"Doctor _who_?"

"Nope, just the Doctor," he shrugged and beamed.

"Right… you're good to go," the purple belly handed the sheet of paper back to the Doctor and closed his file.

"Name?"

"Rose Tyler."

"How did you meet Captain Reynolds?"

"Um, just travelin', sort of ran into each other," she shrugged, trying to come up with a convincing story for that day and age.

"Any world in particular?"

"Uh… Womanwept… middle of a solar… thingy," she pulled the ideal straight from her last conversation with Mickey, "Frozen waves, hundred feet tall, he sort of… swept me off my feet."

"Are you two intimate?"

"Me and the Doct… erm… captain?" she looked astounded at how quickly the fed jumped to conclusions, "No… swept me off my feet as in I slipped… on the ice."

"Of course."

"Mr. Cobb, we've been keeping close tabs on you since the last time you came through our airlock."

"So?" Jayne crossed his arms and rocked back in the aluminum frame chair.

"We know everything you've done."

"So?" he sniffed, _everything my ass._

"The kidnapping of a councilor's niece, rape, and shanghaied her into service aboard that flying trash can."

"Councilor's niece? You mean Vera?" he scoffed at the thought, "I didn't kidnap her, I didn't rape her, and she got the job herself."

"Right, well, I'll just go tell Mr. Wing that and we can just forgive and forget then, I suppose."

"Damn straight," Jayne sat forward, slamming the front legs of the chair down on the ground forcefully, "Wait… Wing?"

"Yes, Mr. Atherton Wing. Does this name mean something to you?"

"Nope, just… sounds funny. Mr. Wing," he chuckled to himself, "Never heard of him, but damn the poor guy, I wonder how many people call him 'Ath'," Jayne made it sound like 'ass' with a lisp.


	13. Dinner Time

Chapter 13- Dinner Time

"And they just let you go? Just like that?" Zoë laughed when she heard about the Doctor and his heroics with the psychic paper, "No questions asked."

"Yep, it showed them everything that I wanted them to know, including the fact that I own my own little floating island on some world or another, high-tech security, the whole deal," the Doctor smiled to himself, "I didn't even know they had those around yet."

"Actually, we got to visit one. Bellerophon," Kaylee piped up as she passed around a bowl of simulated mashed potatoes, "I got to reprogram a dumpster."

"Really?" Jack seemed amazed as he took the bowl and served himself, "That makes you just about the smartest girl I know."

Kaylee just giggled and shrugged her shoulders. She looked back up across the table, "So, how did your interrogation go, Vera?"

"Fine. Nothing to report really," she poked at the artificial corned beef on her plate before sampling it. "Just the Alliance being a pain in the arse. What about you, Jayne?"

"Same as last time, fed took notes, I just glared at him and crossed my arms," he shoveled in a heaping forkful of 'beef and potatoes', "Said the funniest thing too. Are you really a councilor's niece?"

Everyone turned to Vera unexpectantly. Her eyes grew wide and her brows shot up, "Uh… kinda."

"How are you kinda a councilor's niece?" Jayne's face contorted to match his confusion.

"Well, my sister, Amelia, married this guy whose uncle is a councilor and he took me in for a bit," she explained, "Of course, you lot know my uncle. Inara shot him this morning."

"I _what_?" inara pulled her focus from Mal's eyes to look at Vera.

"Yeah, my uncle, Atherton," Vera told her matter-of-factly, "Thought you lot knew that."

"Well, today just keeps getting better and better now, doesn't it?" Mal smiled then took a bite of his mashed potatoes.

"This is great," Spike whispered to Buffy, who was seated beside him, "Bloody soap-opera it is. Forget _Passions_, I want to stick around for this."

Buffy restrained a laugh by filling her mouth with the simulated food, which she promptly restrained from spitting out.

"I'm so glad I watched _Star Wars_," Jack commented, sensing the rising tension at the table, "It really helped with my story."

"Star Wars?" Spike cocked an eyebrow and stared at him incredulously, "What the hell did you go and watch that for then?"

"You've never been alone on a Saturday night? You've never been bored? Never had a lot of wires that needed stripping?" Jack crossed his arms, and then added defensively, "Well… it worked, didn't it?"

"Simon, they're talking about the Force," River giggled as she sensed the Jedi images swirling about both Jack's and Spike's psyche, "And light sabers."

"See? She's watched it," Jack jerked his thumb to his left, motioning to River.

"No, I haven't."

"Then how did you know what I was talking about?" he glanced over at her.

"Remember when I was telling you about Drusilla?" spike jumped to River's defense, "Reads minds, she does. Pinpoint accuracy. I'm tellin' you, mate, don't think anything that you don't want narrated."

"I'll keep that in mind," replied Jack with a smile.

An uneasy stillness fell upon the table as everyone began to contemplate the oddities of the previous day. Jayne grew tired of the irksome silence quickly and attempted to spark a conversation with one of the many blondes at the table.

"So," his eyes settled on Buffy, who was eyeing her food suspiciously, "What do you do when you're not off time-traveling?"

"Um…" she felt even more awkward than before now that the entire table's attention was on her, "Well… not much. I… stake things."

"You _stake_ things?" he wrinkled his forehead, searching for the meaning behind the comment, "Like… _stabbing_, stake?"

"Yeah. With wood," she clarified. She felt spike's hand settle on her upper thigh and shivered. "Like this," she reached into a folded section of her emerald sash and pulled out a roughly whittled stake, showing it to Jayne.

"So, what do you stake with your stakes?" Mal asked from the head of the table, cocking an eyebrow as he spoke.

"Vampires, mostly," she replied with a shrug of her shoulders, which caused her hair to bounce and resettle about her frame, "I do a lot of demon demo too."

"Vampires like _him_?" mal pointed to Spike seated beside her.

"Umm… well… vampires that are… soulless monsters," she said with a slight twitch in her jaw, "Spike's redeemed himself a hundred times over. He doesn't get staked."

A warmth filled Spike, metaphorically speaking, as Buffy stated her peace. _He doesn't get staked._ He smiled slightly and rubbed his hand down her thigh. _That's my girl._

"What about you?" Jayne turned to Rose, the next beautiful blonde in line, "What do you do?"

"Little of this, little of that," her eyes were half closed from near exhaustion and her words were slightly slurred,, "Travel about… bit of a tourist, actually."

"Travel in the big, blue, poofing box?" Mal asked.

"The TARDIS," the Doctor looked up from the plate of imitation food stuffs, "T-A-R-D-I-S, time and relative dimension in space."

"Oh, well, that's…interesting," Mal nodded and returned to his food, as did the Doctor, who was keenly enjoying the new experience thoroughly.

Jack leaned toward Kaylee with a sly grin on his face and whispered something in her ear. Kaylee blushed and her jaw dropped, then she looked over at him with her eyes wide and brows raised. He nodded slightly as a bright smile spread across his face. She closed her mouth tightly, but continued beaming. Jack took that as his initiative and rose from the table, taking his plate and Kaylee's with him.

"Well, we'll be back later," Kaylee stood up as well and followed Jack out of the dining area.

Mal sighed, "Kids will be kids."

"Actually," Spike stood up, glancing over at Buffy, "I'm getting a bit tired. Do we still have the same bedding arrangements, captain?"

"Uh, no," Mal looked up, "You and Bets—Buffy will be sharing shuttle two. It's down the hall to the left."

"Okay, well, I'm going to go hit the hay," Spike stretched and yawned, nearly overselling the act, "See you lot in the AM."

"I'm sleepy too," Buffy got up from her seat quickly and followed spike out of the room. "He said to the left, right?"

"Yeah," Spike replied, turning left once he reached the walkway above the cargo bay and pointed to the doors in front of them, "This one."


End file.
